Back to where I started

Well, I had a pretty good run I think. My nails got even longer since my last picture. But then I broke a nail (for the first time ever in my life), had somethin slip between my nail and skin to make it bleed, caught my nails on various objects on numerous occasions...and then...we went to Columbus Georgia to visit Septtro's family this past weekend. It was about 4 hours in the car - with no baby to occupy my hands.

My nails in this picture are still longer than normal. But now I've experienced the pleasure of biting again.

I suppose I may never have really long nails. And I must say, after all that can go wrong with having long nails, I'm pretty okay with that.

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Bye Bye Christmas

'What?! Christmas is over??!'

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas. Knowing Him is the greatest gift of all!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

We've decided to make it a family tradition to bake Jesus a happy birthday cake - in this case, it's a happy birthday pie (apple!). Ri is pretty excited to get started...I told her she could lick the bowl. ;)

Merry Christmas!

Couch Potato

'You take this remote from me and I'll give you a knuckle sammich!'

Yes, she has discovered the television. This is nice now because she's distracted when I need her to be. But I know in the future, this could be bad news.

Fat Fingers

I don't remember exactly when I took my wedding rings off during my pregnancy. I think it was shortly after the 20-week mark.

I figured by now, my rings would fit again. Oh I can shove them on my finger, but they look like they're choking the life right out of my poor ring finger. And getting them off, well that's a fun game.

I could get them resized for free under our warranty, but I'm a lil nervous as soon as I do, my fingers will get skinny again and they'll be too big. You know - Murphy's Law. Or maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe they'll never be the size they used to be.

I miss my rings - they're the only jewelry I normally wear (even though I quite like jewelry...I guess I'm just kinda picky).

Sooooo....what's a girl to do??!

Suuuuu-per Dreams

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Nail Biter

I've always been a nail biter...a bad one - we're talkin fingers tips that look like space men with their pinkish-redish space hats on.

Both my friends and family have tried to help me quit. I've tried that nasty tasting stuff you paint on your nails. I've been bribed with presents and money. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. It wasn't so much I didn't have the self-control (although I do lack in that area), it was more that I would do it without even realizing it - when I was nervous, when I was bored, basically whenever my hands weren't busy doing something else, they were in my mouth - gettin their nails chewed off.

I know it's a nasty habit. I tried to stop. But it wasn't until something else - or shall I say, someONE else - diverted my attention that I noticed, hey, I can scratch my arm without giving myself a brush burn.

All this time, all I had to do was have a baby to stop biting my nails. Man, why didn't anybody suggest that earlier??! :)

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Drug Stores Rock!

I went out to get a few things at one of my favorite drug stores this morning - Rite Aid. I got everything pictured for $0.63!

It's really not that hard to do. Basically, I used coupons from the Sunday paper and online, used a single rebate check I got last month at Rite Aid from qualifying purchases, and paired it all with their sales...giving me a lot for basically nothing. Plus, I qualified for more money via single check rebate (about $20 worth).

If you live in the South, check out www.southernsavers.com and get started shoppin at drug stores! I promise it's the best natural high you'll get! ;)

Rilynn's Favorite Sleeping Position

Rilynn - 13 weeks in my tummy.

Rilynn - 2 weeks old

Rilynn - 2 1/2 weeks old

Rilynn - 3 weeks old (her 1st walk!)

Rilynn - 4 1/2 weeks

Rilynn - 6 weeks old

Rilynn - 6 1/2 weeks old

Wonder how long she'll enjoy this sleeping position. :)

Watching Over

I love the ultimate crib sheet in this picture - somebody had it embroidered with a verse. I don't know if you can read what it is but it says "The One who watches over you neither slumbers nor sleeps" - Psalm 121:4

As I stood over Rilynn taking this picture, I was reminded of how she lies in her crib and has no idea that I'm so close. When I let her cry for a few minutes and she begins to flail her legs and arms, I'm right there, standing over her, watching. Yet she's so unaware of my presence.

Sometimes I just have to grin because she's fine - she just doesn't know it. All of her basic needs are met. She's fed, she's warm, she's in a safe place.

How many times am I just like Rilynn? I'm flailing my arms; upset at my circumstances. But my heavenly Father is right there...so close. Yet I'm so unaware - I'm too busy being upset at the present circumstances - even though my basic needs are met.

I gotta wonder if He, too, might grin at my response. "Oh child, I'm right here. Just look up."

Hapa

So I was watching America's Next Top Model a few weeks ago (yes, that's right, I watch that show and I like it - let's just say it's because of my interest in photography ok?) and Tyra flew the contestants to Hawaii. Before a photo shoot, she said that they were all going to portray a woman of mixed ethnicities - and the Hawaiian term for that was "hapa".

I don't know about you, but I think Rilynn is the prettiest "hapa" I've ever seen! ;)

Playmates

Suka still isn't too thrilled with not being the center of attention anymore. But even when Ri accidentally hit her face and played with her tags, Suka stayed put - I think we're making progress! :)

Change

My house is dirty.
My clothes are stained.
My eyes are heavy.
My routine is hard.
My nights are long.

BUT

Her skin is soft.
Her smiles are plenty.
Her coos are adored.
Her eyes so bright.
Her cuddles are sweet.

She makes it all worth it.

My heart is thankful.

Sweet Baby Fingers

Ever since Ri was born, I have thought she's had very long fingers. Maybe I just haven't seen very many baby fingers. But I'd like to think those fingers will come in handy as a pitcher in softball...or maybe a middle blocker in volleyball...or even a center in basketball. Or maybe, just maybe, she'll put them to use on the piano.

Whatever she decides to do with those sweet fingers; whatever talent the good Lord blesses her with, I will be at every game - or recital. :)

Smilin Rilynn

Rilynn has been smilin more and more and I finally caught it on my camera! Oh there's nothin sweeter!

Birth Story - warning, this is long

Well mine was a planned birth story. No, "honey I think it's time, get our bags". I've honestly been putting off writing this post because I needed to be more emotional stable (not that I am now emotionally stable, but enough, I believe, to go ahead and share...and I need to write about this for my own mental well-being). Pretty much, everything I was afraid would happen during my labor process happened - with the exception of anything life-threatening happening to me or Rilynn..which I am very thankful for.

I went in to the hospital to be induced on Wednesday evening. They started an antibiotic (and that IV hurt like the dickens) because of my Strep B and did that thing that's supposed to soften the cervix. I had to lie sideways for two hours. Then I was able to sit however I wanted and I could eat and drink up until midnight.

The nurses got me up a bit before 6:00 AM Thursday morning and I was able to take a shower. Then, back to the bed - where I stayed until Saturday mid-morning.

Pitocin was started around 6:30AM. The doctor came in. I will leave her name out because of what I will say. We will refer to her as Dr. C (short for Doctor c-section). When she first came in, the first words out of her mouth, after good morning, were "You understand this is probably going to end in a c-section right?" Um, no...I thought I was being induced to AVOID a c-section. Why would you tell me that? She then proceeded to say if I didn't progress in the labor process by the afternoon, that they'd unhook everything and try it all again the next morning...oh, unless I wanted to do a c-section instead.

Dr. C continued to say how big she thought my baby was. Look, I know my belly was pretty stinkin big. But she, of all people, should know by now that big belly doesn't necessarily mean giant, unbirthable baby. Septtro told me later she saw him in the hall and said, "I'm really sorry if the baby turns out to be 6 or 7 pounds but I really think she's gonna be big". So apparently, she really didn't know for sure...never did she mention a 6 or 7 pound baby in my presence.

Early labor was fairly easy. I honestly didn't really feel the contractions much at all. My mom was pretty amazed at that.

Around 2:30PM or so, my mom was sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing my feet and I felt a small trickle. I told her I think my water may have broken. I didn't call the nurse right away because I thought maybe I'd look stupid. About a minute later, I called her and she checked. Oh yeah, it was my water. That was a weird feeling.

After that, the contractions got REALLY strong. I started asking for the epidural. Look, I knew I was gonna be hooked to an IV because I was being induced so I already planned to use the drugs to avoid pain. They said it'd be about 45 minutes before they could give me the epidural. In the meantime, they gave me the stupidest drug in the entire world. I don't know the name of it and I honestly don't remember giving them permission to give it to me. I do remember the lady saying, "This won't take the pain away but it will just make you not care as much". Oh really? Have you taken it? It was seriously awful. It didn't take ANY of the pain away. Here's what it was like: "Oh, here I am in la-la land. I feel like I've been in a deep sleep for hours and hours. Ouch, what's that? Ow, ow owie! Something hurts in my tummy. Oh, wait, I remember I'm in labor now. Ow the pain! Oh, it's getting better now. Breathe. Ok, back to la-la land." This was repeated over and over again. And this dumb drug made me so drowsy for the rest of the labor process. I was aware of what was going on. But when they finally came to do the epidural, I could barely sit up on my own. I was ohhhhh so tired. Just let me sleep. Stupid, ridiculous drug that is a mean trick to pregnant women and it should be banned forever. I remember Dr. C coming in at that point and saying, "Ok we might actually do this". Thanks for the encouragement doc!

At some point, Dr. C came back in and talked about doing a c-section. She said there's a really high chance of me having a 4th degree tear and/or the baby's shoulders being too big. She then asked how many kids I wanted. I told her perhaps 4. She said that once you go down the road of c-section, you have to keep having c-sections (not true cause my mom had two VBACs) and there are also complications with having too many...like the uterus and placenta fusing together or something like that. Keep placing those pebbles on your c-section scale Dr. C - it's definitely starting to tip your way.

So I got my epidural. Ahh, I should feel nothing now. The nurse went to check me again. Hmm, I can kinda feel that. Maybe they just have the drugs lower than normal. The more prodding they did, the more I felt. And I could still feel the contractions. I thought I was just really gassy. And I said I felt some pressure - like gas pressure. "Oh that's normal". My mom was texting my sister in law. She said really bad gas pains are what contractions feel like. After more prodding from the nurse and more moaning from me, the nurse finally called them back in to redo the epidural. This time, it worked. Oh, so THAT's what no pain feels like. By this time, I was already at 9 centimeters and in a flash, I was at 10 centimeters. I had gone through the transitional phase of labor without pain medication - all while on pitocin which increases the intensity of the contractions. I think I should get my money back for the epidural.

They let me sleep a little bit after I was at 10 centimeters - that was around 9:00PM. I thought that was weird but ok. So I slept for about an hour. I remember the nurse waking me up and saying, "Ok are you ready to push?" to which I responded, "Can you give me a minute to wake up first?"

So everybody was excused except the nurse and Septtro. I started pushing, they did the counting to 10 thing. I wasn't sure I was pushing right because I couldn't feel anything. The nurse said I was (thank you TLC and Baby Story). We kept going, and going, and going. The nurse said I was starting to swell and bruise. We kept pushing. The nurses changed shifts. We took a 10 minute break. The nurse said she could see the baby's head but she really wasn't moving much at all. Dr. C came in and started putting more c-section pebbles on the scale. "I really think you need to do a c-section". I knew I didn't want a c-section. That was a last resort as far as I was concerned. I told her I really didn't want to do that. We resumed pushing. After each push, I would ask the nurse if the baby had moved down at all - to which I was told, "No not really". After an hour and a half, Dr. C returned and kept mentioning a c-section. She said we could try to lessen the epidural so I could feel more. We did that. I didn't feel an urge to push but could feel the contractions really badly again. I pushed - not much progress. We changed positions. I pushed...not much happening. We changed positions two more times. I was exhausted, frustrated, and in pain. I felt alone even with so many people in the room. I looked at Septtro and asked him to tell me what to do. He didn't want to make that decision. I asked the nurse....I was looking for guidance. Was a c-section REALLY necessary? Nobody would say - oh, nobody except for Dr. C. It was clear from the beginning she thought a c-section was the way to go.

Septtro would say he'd support me no matter what I decided. I asked the nurses again if she was moving at all. I was told they really didn't think she was going to fit. So I said it - the words I regret..."Ok, let's do the c-section then".

Looking back, I was in such a vunerable state. Looking back, I wish so much I would have insisted we keep trying. I'm sure there were other things we could have done. Yes, I had pushed for two hours. But Rilynn was fine, I was fine...I could have gone longer. But I felt the pebbles Dr. C had been placing on that scale all day had finally tipped it in her favor. I caved. I feel like I caved to what she wanted instead of doing what I wanted and felt was best.

The c-section went fine. She was born at 12:49 AM on September 25th. I heard her cry - and I immediately fell in love.

I remember them saying, "Yeah I really don't think she would have fit" after they saw her. They cleaned her up and gave her to Septtro. I couldn't hold her. I couldn't even touch her. I hated that. After stitching me up, they gave her to me and wheeled me to my new room. It was done. She was here.

Before all this happened, people would tell me when I mentioned my fears of being induced and having a c-section that when she got here, how she got here wouldn't matter. Not true. It does matter...it still matters. It's something I'm still struggling with. I feel I was robbed of the birthing experience I longed for. I can barely watch baby shows now without tearing up - seeing women birth their babies. Was I just too small to birth babies? Is that possible? Can I not have a lot of kids now? Will I EVER get to experience a natural birth? I felt jipped. I feel jipped. I feel duped. I feel I was taken advantage of during a very vunverable time. Emotions run high after you give birth - a lot of my tears have been due to having a c-section. I think it would have been easier to accept had it been because Rilynn's health was in danger or my health was in danger. But it wasn't. I felt Dr. C wanted it all along - and she won. "You obviously can't birth your own baby, so let me do it for you" - that's how I feel.

I plan to talk to Dr. C about this at my postpartum checkup. I know I'll cry. But I want to know - if they were so concerned about the size of my baby, why did they wait so long to induce? I had an ultrasound at 37 weeks indicating she was around 7 pounds 11 ounces. Nobody mentioned at that point they felt she'd become too big for me to birth. My gestational diabetes numbers had been slightly high but they said I'd passed. But that was also brought up during labor, but not before, as a reason why I should opt for a c-section.

Recovering from the c-section was horrible. I hated being confined to a bed. I couldn't get up to tend to my crying newborn. That was hard.

I know, and knew before this began, that I placed myself under the care of this practice. And I know God is sovereign. And I know God is good. He allowed me to go through this experience. I need to accept that. I will accept that. I'm just not sure I'm there yet. I guess I'm mad - yeah, I'm mad at the doctor - and slightly upset with my decision. I guess I regret it. But I can't stay that way. I can't become bitter. I don't think I should get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see the hospital where we were. But I do. But I'll get past this. I just need time - and lots of prayer.

But again, she's here. Oh she's here! And my how I love her! She is a precious, precious gift.

More Newborn Pics

There are more pics on Kelli's photography website. Click HERE, then click on photo shoots at the bottom and find our gallery (Sene). The password is rilynn.

I absolutely LOVE the pictures and know we will treasure them forever. Thanks again Kelli - you're awesome! There may be more added later so check back every once and a while.

Rilynn's first photoshoot

We had some newborn pictures done of Rilynn last week. She did really well, thankfully, and we were able to capture some great shots!

To see a preview of the pictures, click HERE.

Big thanks to Kelli for working so well with my precious girl - and a big thanks to her family for letting me steal her away for several hours.

I'll let you know when more are available.

Cutie Patootie

Rilynn lost her umbilical cord in the middle of the night last night. Now it's easier to put cute lil pants on her. :) Too bad she won't be able to wear this outfit very long. I think it's pretty stinkin cute.

go to sleep

Rilynn has been a pretty good sleeper for the most part. We tend to have to wake her up to eat in the middle of the night because she won't cry. My mom said that's how I was.

However, lately she hasn't been sleeping in between feedings as much and has been fussier. It's been a huge challenge trying to figure out the reason behind the crying...gas, hunger, need to cuddle. I know I'll eventually be able to read her better but it's so hard to watch her be so upset and not know how to help.

Being a mom is definitely a blessing. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done but when she does stop crying and looks at me with those huge brown eyes, it makes everything else not seem to matter. :)

Oh, I better go. She's crying again.

Alert lil lady

Any Resemblance?

My mom brought over my baby book and we found this picture. I know Rilynn has a lot of Septtro's features but I can see her in my baby picture - mostly my little chinny chin chin. What do you think?

Finger Feeding

Rilynn is a very healthy eater but we had some trouble in the beginning because of people telling us different things plus her strong-will to only suck when she was gettin somethin in return continuously. So the lactation consultant suggested this - finger feeding. It encourages her to suck correctly without allowing her to bottle feed.

As much as I don't like her taking formula right now, I'm still pumping so she's getting the colostrum by syringe and we feel pretty confident that once my milk arrives, she'll be just fine. She's always very eager to eat and has latched on correctly in the past.
I thought I might pop a stitch when Septtro attached the container to his hat (lactation actually suggested it). :)

Another one

sweet girl...loves to look around

She's finally here!

introducing our Ladybug, Rilynn Falefou Sene - born 12:49am September 25th weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long. more details to come later.

C-section

After two hours of pushing the dr decided Susan needed a c-section...there was some molding on the baby's head and she was concerned about the health of the baby if she continued for a lot longer. She is being prepped for the OR right now. Will try to post when she is born before I go to bed.

Hospital

I am going to the hospital to hopefully get to see this baby girl (only have a small window of time to be gone), so probably won't be able to update right when she's born, but I will update when I get home in case anyone is up late waiting to hear!

9:00

Susan is ten centimeters! She was stuck at six for the longest time, and then she started to be in a lot of pain, so they decided to redo her epidural. The second epidural worked great and she had relief from the pain, then they checked her and she was at ten cm! They are having her wait an hour to push because she isn't feeling pressure right now, but it looks like before the night is over we will have a baby!

Update

Susan has been 6 cm for a while now. The baby's head is not down, but turned sideways. The doctor is measuring the contractions to see how strong they are and whether they will let her continue. Please pray!

4:00

Don't have much of an update for you, Susan got an epidural and was still 5 cm, her mom said all is quiet in the room. She said Susan was feeling pretty groggy and out of it, probably from the pain medicine she took earlier. Hopefully they will both be able to rest some.

5 cm

Susan is 5 cm.....she was given some pain medicine that is supposed to last for an hour...

2:00

Susan's water broke and she is having painful contractions that are close together now...she requested pain med, I don't know how far dilated she is yet, will post when find out more info. Praise God that it picked up!

11:00

Susan is dilated one centimeter and having contractions, but can't feel them all.

Update

Susan wanted me to update her blog while she's in the hospital so everyone can know what is going on. They got to the hospital last night and they inserted the cervix softener. At 6:30 this morning they started her on pitocin, then they checked her around 8:30 and there was no progress. The doctor was pretty convinced that she would need a c-section due to the size of the baby, but he said he was willing to try a 2nd day induction. So, if things still haven't progressed around 3 or 4 today, they will unhook her from everything, let her eat, and try again tomorrow morning. However chances are it won't be effective on the second day, so if things don't progress today they will have to decide what they want to do. Please pray for wisdom and peace for them. I will continue to update as I hear more throughout the day.
~Shawna (sister-in-law)

It's time!

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. I still haven't made much of any progress. Conditions "aren't all that favorable" is what I was told. I expressed my desire to avoid a c-section if at all possible and be able to go into labor on my own. However, based on previous ultrasounds and my glucose levels, the doctors believe my best chance to deliver her naturally is to be induced (because of her possible size). She did say that Ladybug is engaged so that's a good sign I'll be able to have her naturally - thus the reason for my awful back pain this past week or so.

So I will be induced on my due date - this Thursday. I will actually go in Wednesday evening to get some kind of medicine to help conditions become, let's say, more favorable. Then, on Thursday morning, they will start pitocin.

As much as I REALLY REALLY didn't want to be induced, I just feel I need to trust in God's sovereignty in this situation. He's placed me under their care and this is what they feel is my best chance to have her naturally.

I can't believe I'll have a baby in 3 days. I'm still kind of in shock. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

Oh the pain

I finally have a break from the past few days of constant back pain on my left side - despite anything and everything I tried to relieve it. It just got progressively worse - starting on Wednesday. Yesterday I went to my doctor because it got so bad I was leaning over a chair in tears in my boss' office (with him not present of course) and I was afraid I might be having back labor. Of course, when I got to the office, the pain subsided and I wasn't having too many contractions. They checked for a kidney infection because the pain was around the middle of my back but that came back negative. I got a prescription for muscle relaxers but the doctor said that might not help. He said I still hadn't progressed any and until she was born, I would possibly struggle with the pain because of her positioning. By the time I got home, I was bent over in pain again. I couldn't even take a deep breath without awful pain. I took a pill but it didn't touch the pain. My mom came to pick me up and took me to her house. She looked up reflexology and massaged my feet in places that would help relieve pain in my back. That helped a little bit. But I honestly was in so much pain, I wanted so badly to go to the hospital and demand they give me a cesarian. I got sick once and almost twice - I think from the pain.

Finally, I got some tips from my friend Kelli on a few positions to try to get Ladybug to change positions. It worked - I finally felt relief and felt like a completely different person. Unfortunately, later that night, the pain returned. I was having contractions but not regular ones and it seemed every time I had a contraction, my back hurt worse. At about 8:30 last night, I was finally able to sleep for a couple of hours. My husband came to pick me up from my parent's house after his JV football game but decided it'd be best if I just stayed where I was. After I got up, the pain returned and I couldn't go back to sleep until around 1:30. Thankfully, I was able to sleep until around 5:00 and then a few more hours later this morning.

This afternoon, I made an appointment with a chiropractor who many midwives and doulas recommend. He said my hip was about 3/4 of an inch off and was able to correct that. Initially, my back still hurt but once I got home, it felt a lot better. As of now, it still hurts but not nearly as bad. Because of the hormones loosening everything, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep myself from becoming misaligned again but every moment without the excruciating pain is bliss. I also called my lamaze class instructor and she gave me the name and number of a licensed prenatal massage therapist. I'm not sure if I'll go see him (his first opening is Monday afternoon) but he can also give me some exercises to do to try to help alleviate the pain.

I have my next doctor's appointment Monday morning at 8:45. I'm hoping I will have progressed at least a little bit but then again I know that really doesn't guarantee anything. At the very least, I hope that if I'm still struggling with my back pain, that it will exhibit itself while I'm at the doctor unlike it did yesterday.

Ladybug's due date is September 24th...thinking about even going that much longer with this pain makes me cringe. Then I know I could actually go past my due date. But I know it's all very temporary and despite the pain, am thankful God has given me the opportunity to provide a safe place for her until God is ready for her to arrive. Of course, I'd prefer for her to come today. But I know God's timing is perfect and He will give me the strength to get through each day until she's here. Oh I'm so ready...c'mon Ladybug...come see us!!!

to my ladybug

Dear Ladybug,

The time is almost here - the day your Daddy and I get to meet you face to face. I've had so many emotions these past few weeks; thinking about that moment. What will I do? Will I cry tears of joy? Will I shriek in excitement? Will everything seem too surreal for me to do much of anything but look at you in awe? You're a beautiful creation - a precious gift - given to Daddy and I.

All my life, as far back as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. Lord-willing, that desire will soon be granted. My life will forever change. I can't wait to be your mom. I can't wait to smell your baby smells, touch your baby-soft skin, and hear your sweet baby coos.

Oh there will be so many times I will make mistakes. I haven't been around babies very much. Please bear with me as I learn how to best provide for your needs (I hear the "motherly instinct" can be MIA those first few weeks).

This will be a growing experience for all three of us. It will be a new and exciting adventure. I must admit, I'm a little nervous - but extremely excited all at the same time. My prayer is that God will use me to point you to Christ; and that He would open your eyes to your need for Him at an early age.

I love you, my sweet baby. I'll see you soon!!

Love,
Mommy

quick update - 37 weeks

**Note: my due date is exactly two weeks from tomorrow but according to the measurements from my first ultrasound, I was exactly 37 weeks yesterday**

I had an appointment yesterday at 11:30. My blood pressure was the exact same as last week - high. But I didn't have any bad dreams this time. I think I was so nervous it would be up again, I freaked myself out again - this time because I was trying too hard not to be nervous. After lying on my left side, again, it went back to normal. But the doctor - who I didn't care for - still wanted to do bloodwork again to rule out pregnancy-induced hypertension. So far, I haven't heard back from the office so that's a good sign. Maybe from now on, I will always be nervous when getting my blood pressure taken. My mom is the same way.

Anyway, we got a surprise ultrasound because they wanted to check the well-being of Ladybug. It was SO fun to get to see Ladybug again. We saw her sucking on her fingers and covering her face - after I said her nose looked pointy...sorry Ladybug, I know things are squished in there. Please don't have a complex the rest of your life now. It really was harder to see everything because she's so much bigger and doesn't have much room left. The pictures we got aren't very clear but I honestly think she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Oh, and she's definitely a girl. I'm glad she checked again because I was a little worried they missed something before. And once again, Ladybug wasn't shy at all when the tech went to take a look. Compliant or immodest? I'll go with compliant. :)

The tech said the fluid levels were great and Ladybug was doing just fine. On another note, the ultrasound gel brought some new stretch marks to my attention. It's on the front side of my belly near my belly button. I'm not surprised. I've gone WAY out. I shall consider it my motherly badge of courage (and secretly hope it eventually fades or I become rich enough one day to get rid of it).

We got our hospital bags packed last night. Her room is almost completely ready. The car got cleaned and polished. Sometimes I get a lil teary-eyed thinking about the day I will finally get to see her face to face and hold her in my arms. My life will forever change and that's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Gerber baby

I'm not sure about you, but I'm thinkin she could quite possibly be the new face of Gerber.

No More Violent Movies

Yesterday afternoon, I watched Kill Bill Volume 2. I must say, I actually liked both of the Kill Bill movies. But then last night, I had a bad dream. You know, people hunting me down - trying to kill me...all that stuff. Then when I woke up to use the restroom early this morning, I wanted Ladybug to move - that would help me forget about my bad dream. She apparently didn't want to. She was sleeping soundly. I got worried but felt a small roll, confessed my worry, asked for peace and fell back asleep.

I had an appointment this morning at 8:45. It was a routine check-up. When I was getting ready, Ladybug still wasn't moving very much. She was mellow. She's had mellow mornings before. But because of the bad dream I had, I was already in a worrisome state. I nudged my belly but she didn't seem to wanna move a whole lot.

On the way to the appointment, I confessed my worry again. Ladybug rolled a few times. But that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted her to REALLY make her presence known. C'mon Ladybug - can't you punch my bladder or kick me in the ribs or something?

By the time Septtro and I arrived at my appointment, I had gotten myself all worked up. I imagined seeing the same expression on the doctor's face I saw just over a year ago. I imagined how I would react - how Septtro would have to carry me out of the office due to my utter despair. I imagined how hard it would be to see anything in her room. I imagined the worst.

They checked my weight - no weight gain...I haven't had much of an appetite lately. They checked my blood pressure - elevated. I wasn't surprised. I could feel my anxiety from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. They asked me to go in a room and lie of my left side and they would check my blood pressure again. The nurse returned soon after and checked again - normal this time. Once I saw the nurse practioner, she checked for Ladybug's heartbeat - bum bump, bum bump....going strong. As she palpated my belly, she said I was having a contraction - interesting.

I explained how I'd had a bad dream and had gotten myself all worked up before coming in to my appointment. She said just to put my mind (and theirs too, I'm sure) at ease, they would do a stress test for Ladybug - measure her heart rate as she moved around. So I got strapped to a monitor for her heartrate and one to measure any contractions I may have. After 20 minutes, she ripped the print out and said she'd be back. The office was busy so I was left in there for almost another 20 minutes. During this time, I realized that what I thought was Ladybug pushing herself into my ribs was really a contraction - something I've actually been feeling for several weeks. I guess I always thought Braxton Hicks would be over my entire belly.

After the nurse finally returned again, she said the print out looked good - everything looked just fine. But they also wanted to have me get some blood drawn to rule out any hypertension issues - just to be sure my elevated blood pressure really was because I was all anxious and not because of anything else. By the way, my swelling did wonderfully over the weekend as I made sure to elevate my feet as much as possible.

By the time I left, it was almost 11:00. Apparently everybody at work got really worried - even though I promise I let people know about my appointment.

So everything is fine. They're going to let me know if I need to come in before this coming Tuesday based on my blood test results. Oh, but I did test positive for Group B Strep - which I dreamed about last night too. I was told all that means is that I'll need antibiotics during delivery. But then I had to go lookin on the Internet...what a doofus I am. I guess it's something some women just carry - and I'm one of them. Hip hip....eehhhhhh.

Then there's me making myself feel like I have to save the world before Ladybug gets here - on top of barely being able to walk around because my feet hurt so bad. I mean, honestly, will it REALLY matter if my ironing board isn't completed before she arrives? Or if I don't get all my pictures on my laptop organized? No...and I know that. I just need to start acting like I know that.

So, no more violet movies - no matter how early in the day I may watch them. I don't need any more bad thoughts creeping in. I need to relax - take one day at a time - and trust God...oh, trusting in God - so easy to say yet so hard to actually do. And I hear it gets harder once the baby is actually here....Lord help me. Living in fear is definitely not fun.

Test Drive

Shawna and my Mur Mur came over the other day to give some nursery ideas. Emmory tried out Ladybug's bouncy seat and her pink Nike hat....he approves.

Seriously, I know everybody thinks this but I really do have the cutest nephew ever. And he can totally pull off wearing a pink hat. :)

35 weeks

Week and day: 35 weeks 1 day

Belly Button in or out: oh it's out - and I think I may have spotted a very small stretch mark

Wedding rings on or off: fingers are way to swollen to wear them - but I did get them redipped so they look bright and shiny for when I can finally put them back on

Food cravings: tomato and cheese sandwich, chocolate

Food aversions: none!

Nausea: not much

Energy level: get exhausted a lot easier now

Weight gain: I asked the nurse at my appointment on Monday what my total was and she said 33 pounds and said that was just fine...however, that's based on my first real appointment when I was already 13 weeks so I think it's more than that but we'll keep that to ourselves. :)

Mood: starting to feel anxious about how the whole labor will play out - especially because Septtro has started up with coaching football again...and I feel like I'm so behind in getting things ready for Ladybug. Three of my friends (two first time moms) have now given birth around 37 weeks...so, yeah, that kicked me in a bit of a higher gear these past few days. :)

Maternity clothes: some I can't wear anymore but I have enough to get me through the remainder of the pregnancy

Size of baby: honeydew melon (why must they always compare my Ladybug to food?) :)

Changes of baby: kidneys are fully developed, Ladybug is mostly developed - just packin on the pounds now, may be around 5 pounds and 18 inches long

Next appointment: Monday August 31st - going every week now....at my appointment this past Monday, she said Ladybug was still head down but slightly to the right - that I was all baby (which most people have continued to comment on) - and I was measuring right on track

Other: I would have to say the worst part so far about my pregnancy has been the swelling. Don't get me wrong, I know it could be MUCH worse. I honestly feel I've had a fairly easy pregnancy considering all of the different things most women go through. But the swelling - my right side especially (feet and hands) - oh my. When I go for walks at night, I have to keep my hands at heart-level or else they'll itch and swell even more. I would think perhaps some of my neighbors may think I'm havin church walkin down the street sometimes. Haha. And my feet...they're like sausages. But it's all temporary - and WELL worth it!

**Doc said this is normal - my blood pressure is fine and I'm probably swelling more on my right side because of how Ladybug is positioned**

Sorry, no picture this week....only cause I keep forgetting...I'll try to post one soon!

Ladybug's Second Shower!

Ladybug had her second shower this past Saturday...she got LOTS of goodies!

Opening my crib bumper pad - wrapped very creatively by Mom :)



Here's my mom, Grandma, me, and Ladybug - 4 generations!

The three sets of twinkies...I promise this wasn't planned but it was quite funny how it turned out.


My yummy cake (cookie cake!!) and brownies!


Septtro helped me unload the car and unpack some stuff on Saturday afternoon and then my mom came over Sunday afternoon to help organize more. Ladybug's room looks much better than it did - we definitely made progress - but I feel like there's so much still left to do! I will try to post pictures of the nursery shortly. I just realized this weekend I need to do something every day with her nursery because I only have a little over 4 weeks until she's due - and if she happens to come early, it'd be nice to have everything done. Four weeks - holy cow!

100th Post - remembering my Peanut

So I didn't plan it this way but this is my 100th post. Today also marks a year since we found out our Peanut was gone. I actually started my blog because of Peanut. So I guess it's only fitting the 100th post is about my sweet baby.

August 18th is actually the date we found out, but it was a Monday - at my routine check-up when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Here is the post from that afternoon.

I can't really explain the emotions I've already gone through this morning. Some people may think I should be "over" my loss by now, especially now that God has given me another sweet gift in my Ladybug. But I don't think I'll ever get over losing my Peanut. That was a part of me I'll never get back. I remember when I woke up from the surgery the next day...that moment was so difficult. I knew my precious baby was already gone but for us to be officially separated and knowing Peanut was forever gone was very hard. I remember feeling guilty for not knowing for an entire month that my baby was no longer living. I should have known - where was my motherly instinct?

While I'm extremely grateful for my Ladybug, no baby can ever replace my Peanut. I will forever miss that baby. But God has taught me so much in this last year. What I've learned is that I can't plan out my life and then be angry when things don't turn out how I thought they should. I've learned that trusting God is A LOT easier said than done. And I've learned that many people around me are hurting in various ways and I need to be more sensitive to how I treat them. I haven't perfected what I've learned - I'm still learning and trying to do better. Praise God for His grace.

I wanna share a prayer that my sweet husband texted me earlier this year (he said I could) - January 20th. It was the day I took my first pregnancy test after losing Peanut - and it was negative.

"Dear God. I lift my wife in prayer and ask that you'd continue to give her strength and patients...continue to heal her body and strengthen her mind and spirit. Help me to be a better listener for her needs and a comforter in times of despare. Thank you for your love and many blessings. In Your name I pray Amen." (I love the misspellings) :)

Exactly a week later, I took another pregnancy test - and it was positive. And now I have my Ladybug. It's just a reminder to me that no matter my circumstances, God knows best and I can't see the bigger picture.

For any of you who read my blog who have lost a baby, I prayed for you this morning. I pray for you often. And if you haven't already been blessed with another baby, I pray that will happen soon; but in the meantime, that you will find God's grace and peace in your life.

Dear Peanut,
I miss you so much! When I feel your sister moving around inside of me, it makes me smile. And it makes me wonder - would you have liked to burrow in my right side too? Would you have gotten hiccups at least twice a day...or more...or less? Would you play games with Daddy when he tried to feel you move? Were you a boy or girl? I'll never know. But I know I'll see you again someday.
Mommy loves you!

Baby wanna-be

My buddy Lor came over with her little girl Savannah the other night. She gave me some good ideas about where to store stuff in the nursery and eventually we just ended up sitting on the floor talking about baby things.

Savannah and Suka quickly became buddies (only when Suka didn't run or bark) - I was pleasantly surprised at how well Suka behaved around Sav. She was very gentle.

Anyway, as Lor and I were talking in the nursery, in walks Suka like nothin - just like this:


I don't know if Sav put it in her mouth or not but Suka loved the paci! She very easily picked it back up again and put it back in her mouth. I showed Septtro when he got home and he thought it was a fun trick. That night, I found Suka cuddling with him on our bed - suckin away on the paci. That was about enough of that - too weird - it had to stop. I don't want her thinking that's her toy when Ladybug is here anyway.

We got a good laugh out of it all. I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

Ladybug's First Shower

Ladybug had her first shower this past Saturday - August 8th. It was so fun!!


This is my best buddy Lor - she's 15 weeks preggers and already had a sweet little girl, Savannah. I love how chubby my face looks and my wacky smile. :) At least Lorren looks fabulous!


My mom and me - I know, we look nothing alike right? :)


We all went to school together...crazy how time flies! Apparently it was the cool thing to do to wear black...nobody sent me (or Amber) the memo.


The goodies! I got TWO diaper cake things - one size in Newborn and the other in size 1 - perfect! I'm still considering cloth diapers in the future, mind you...just not something we're gonna even think about for a few months. :)


My piece of cake - it was delicious!


The laying of hands....hehehe

Too bad Ladybug wasn't cooperating - she wasn't movin for anybody! Can you tell by my facial expression that I was gettin a lil hot? Somebody played a mean trick and turned the ceiling fan off.


When I got home, my mom helped me organize a few things but her room looks like a huge mess right now. I need to figure out how to organize everything. Babies come with so much stuff! :) Ladybug's next shower is August 22nd!!!!

bon qui qui

If you haven't seen the video, you really should make the time. CLICK HERE. It's hilarious.

I came into contact with a cashier at Sbarro a few days ago that reminded me of things Bon Qui Qui would say.

Here's how my experience went:

I met a friend for lunch at the mall and told another friend at work I'd pick up some lunch to bring back to them. He said he wanted Sbarro so I headed that way.

The guy prepared the food and put it in a bag. When he told the cashier girl/lady I also ordered a Dr. Pepper, she looked me up and down and said, "You don't need no Dr. Pepper".

Oh really? How about you just take my money and keep your opinion to yourself. (Yeah I didn't say that, but I kinda wanted to)

I didn't wanna say none of the food was for me because my friend gave me his debit card to use. So I just said, "She'll be fine."

She turned to her co-worker and said, "She don't need no caffeine, she's pregnant!"

He just shrugged and went to help another customer.

Then she said - again - "You shouldn't have no caffeine you know".

I told her I didn't give her (Ladybug) much caffeine - which I don't - not that it was ANY of her business anyway.

"Ok, alright then", she said. "So when are you due?"

I told her next month.

"Ohh, yeah, ok cause you're huge!"

Thanks a lot queen of meatballs and large, cardboard-tasting pizza slices. First you insult my ability to know what's safe to give my baby and then you insult my beautiful pregnant belly?!

Honestly, I just have to laugh at the whole thing. I mean, really, some people....

swollen

My right ankle in particular likes to swell up...so much so sometimes that it looks like I broke it on the outside part. But for some reason, my left ankle doesn't have too much of a problem. I had SUCH a hard time figuring out the reason for this. At first I thought it was because of the way I was sitting at work. But that didn't seem to help it much. The swelling tends to go away by Sunday and returns by Tuesday (after being at work again).

Then last night, my friend mentioned something that made A LOT of sense. She asked if I'd ever injured that ankle. I have - playing volleyball in college, I sprained it pretty badly. And the place where I sprained it is the place where it swells up the most. She said the same thing happened to her previously-injured knee when she was pregnant.

Interesting.

I have my next appointment on Monday so I'll ask them about it too. For now, though, I've gotten a new setup at work to help keep my feet more elevated:

My ankle already looks better than it did yesterday. I don't know how much of the day I'll be able to work like this but every little bit will help!

Pop goes the faucet

I hate my kitchen faucet. The built-in soap dispenser has never worked and the sprayer doesn't work properly either. I've been wanting a new one but couldn't fathom spending money when we didn't really NEED one.

God bless Septtro and his super Samoan-strength.

We will be getting a new kitchen faucet this afternoon. YAY!!!! :)

32 weeks

Week and day: 32 weeks 0 days

Belly Button in or out: I think it's finally stopped going out more :)

Wedding rings on or off: off - and gonna see if I can get them redipped while I'm not wearing them

Food cravings: cucumber and tomato salad

Food aversions: none!

Nausea: not much

Energy level: naps are makin a comeback but not every day

Weight gain: I don't really know - last appointment had gained a pound in two weeks

Mood: starting to realize Ladybug will be here in about 2 months - reality check!! But I can't wait!!

Maternity clothes: got a few more so I think I should be good till she arrives

Size of baby: only thing I could find is large jicama - whatever that is

Changes of baby: has toenails, fingernails, and hair (maybe), skin is no longer see-through, weighs nearly 4 pounds and is around 18 inches long (although I keep reading varying measurements), baby is in fetal position and will soon settle into head-down position(hopefully)

Next appointment: Monday August 10th at 3:15

Other: I can't wait for my first baby shower this Saturday!

Here is a pic from when I was 31 weeks and 5 days. I almost didn't post it because, well, I'll be honest - I'm still very self-conscious about the size of my belly considering all of the rude comments I've gotten throughout my pregnancy. But I'm measuring right on schedule and everything is lookin good so I'm just tryin to remind myself that all women carry differently.

Ticker

So I guess you've noticed I put up a ticker (that's for you Andrea!) :) I just wasn't really sure which date to put in there. Cause when I had my first ultrasound, I was 5 days earlier than my due date indicated but they said they weren't going to change my due date cause it was within a week.

Right now, the dates are according to how she was measuring at my first ultrasound and not my due date. So although my EDD is still September 24th, she may very well show up closer to September 29th (or on the 28th and be Septtro's birthday present!)

Edited: When I had my first ultrasound, I should have been 13 weeks and 6 days according to my last cycle but she measured 13 weeks and 1 day. So my ticker dates are according to me being 13 weeks and 1 day at that first ultrasound instead of 13 weeks and 6 days. Technically, my due date should be more like September 29th but they kept it September 24th because the difference was within a week.

Sorry if it was confusing before - haha - hopefully it's more clear now??

not so sneaky after all

Ever since we got our new furniture (at least 2 years), Suka has not been allowed on the couch and she's done well not getting up there. However, in the past several months, she's decided to get on the couch while we're gone anyway. We've never actually SEEN her on the couch, but the pillows knocked on the floor and her hair on the couch as well as the warm feeling of a cuddled puppy gives her away. Now, before she gets her hello hugs when we come home, we go feel the couch and look to see if it looks like she's been up there.

She's either getting more brave or more stupid because after my Sunday afternoon nap, I walked into the living room to find her like this:

She tried to get down ever so gently but it was too late - she was caught! She actually managed to get down without misplacing either of the pillows this time which, I must say, is pretty impressive. I really do think it's pretty funny actually; although it drives Septtro absolutely crazy that she continues to get up there. :)

Update

I had an appointment this morning. I asked the doctor about my "borderline GD" diagnosis. He went to look at the numbers and came back and said, "Well you were only borderline on one of your numbers so I'd say you passed and you're fine".

Well good grief!

So I told him about how I was basically cutting back on sweets and carbs and such anyway and he said it's always good to eat healthy but there was no reason for me to adhere to a strict diabetic-type diet.

And that was that...all that confusion for the past week and now I actually got to speak to a doctor (instead of a nurse) and was told everything is fine - that I wasn't even considered borderline.

I will say, all this concern over whether or not I have GD, I have come to actually enjoy cutting out all the yucky stuff and eating more healthy. It makes me feel better mentally and physically anyway! So I will still occasionally indulge in my Java Chip Starbucks ice cream and may have some Chick Fil A waffle fries every once and a while...but those will be considered treats. Hopefully, I can keep up this mentality even after Ladybug is born so I can lose that baby weight quicker!

In other news, the appointment went well. Ladybug's heartbeat was in the 150s and I'm measuring just half a week ahead (but I keep wondering how accurate that first ultrasound measurement is anyway in regards to how many weeks you ACTUALLY are - I'd say it's pretty hard to know for sure).

Ladybug is due exactly TWO months from now! I can't believe it!!! I'm SO ready to meet my lil bug-a-boo!

I Passed! :)

I got my results from my 3 hour fasting glucose test on Friday. I called them first thing in the morning to find out cause I was so curious and didn't wanna have to wait until after the weekend. The nurse said my numbers were slightly elevated but that I did not have gestational diabetes. Basically, 2 out of the 4 blood draws they did were great and 2 out out of the 4 were literally right on the borderline.

***note to people who might not be familiar with what gestational diabetes is - nobody REALLY knows what the cause is (it really seems to have almost nothing to do with what the mother does or doesn't do) but the following theory is pretty popular:

"The placenta supplies a growing fetus with nutrients and water, as well as produces a variety of hormones to maintain the pregnancy. Some of these hormones (estrogen, cortisol, and human placental lactogen) can have a blocking effect on insulin, which usually begins about 20 to 24 weeks into the pregnancy.

As the placenta grows, more of these hormones are produced, and insulin resistance becomes greater. Normally, the pancreas is able to make additional insulin to overcome insulin resistance, but when the production of insulin is not enough to overcome the effect of the placental hormones, gestational diabetes results."

I guess some women's bodies just have a harder time keeping up with the needed insulin levels at this stage in pregnancy. Anyway, I'm relieved I don't have GD but will still continue to eat healthy (I love my garden cucumbers and yellow squash!).

Update - 29 weeks

I know it's been a while...I took some time off work to get some things done around the house. Nesting has pretty much set in...Septtro wasn't too thrilled with some of my cleaning adventures. He made me wrap a t-shirt around my nose and mouth while cleaning our shower and stopped me mid-way through my deep clean of all of the windows in our house. :) But I'm thankful for his concern and for caring enough about me and Ladybug to make me take breaks. I'm almost out of the 20-week mark! It feels like I've been there the longest. Here's my stats:

Week and day: 29 weeks 0 days - into my third and final trimester!

Belly Button in or out: I feel like it gets poked out more and more :)

Wedding rings on or off: off until Ladybug is here for sure - hot weather = swollen fingers

Food cravings: peanut butter, still yellow squash and macaroni and cheese, Claussen pickles!

Food aversions: none!

Nausea: it's starting to barely make appearances every now and then - especially if I wait too long to eat lunch

Energy level: naps are makin a comeback

Weight gain: I only gained 4 pounds at my last appointment so that's right on track...total is right around 30

Mood: been a little moody lately...I think partly because this time last year I was pregnant with my Peanut. This past weekend was a year ago when I had complications and went to the ER. August 18th was the day we found out our Peanut was gone. So, already being emotional because of hormones, I think these next few weeks will be a bit difficult. Not that that means I'm any less grateful for my Ladybug. Just that there will always be a void for my Peanut.

Maternity clothes: I'm actually starting to outgrow some of the clothes I've been able to wear for the past few months. Mostly, I think, because I just got some bigger sizes so they're not really meant for a pregnant belly.

Size of baby: butternut squash

Changes of baby: weighs about two and a half pounds and 15 inches long, her brain can control her breathing and body temperature, sucking ability has been perfected, if she were to be born now she'd have a 9 in 10 chance of survival (although I'd much rather her stay and grow to full-term!)

Next appointment: July 24th at 9:15AM - just check-up. At my last appointment, she said Ladybug was head down! But I know she still has room and time to move all over...I'm just hopin maybe she'll end up head down again in a month or so. :) I start going to appointments every two weeks now.
**Yesterday afternoon, the nurse called. I didn't wanna hear from them (cause that would mean my glucose was "normal" - even though supposedly that 1st test isn't all that accurate anyway). She said they like for the numbers to be below 139 and mine was 146 so I have to go in Thursday for the 3-hour fast test. I know a lot of women who've had to do the second test and it's come back all normal so I'm hoping that will be the same for me. But I know even if I do have gestational diabetes, it can be controlled and my Ladybug will be just fine. It's just something else for me to remember to trust God in.

Other: I wish I had time to just sit and watch Ladybug move all over. It's so fun! I felt her hiccups for the first time on July 4th.
So far, we've gotten a crib (was given to us for free!) and a stroller/car seat (from Craigslist). I'll be excited to see her room come together more. I'm still looking for a lower dresser I can use as a changing table.
I've been having some pretty bad and vivid dreams lately and I don't really like them very much.

Here's a pic from yesterday (I was technically 28 weeks and 6 days). This lil girl likes to be LOW. I've started to notice my tummy being shaped abnormally when she decides to burrow - she seems to prefer my right side.