Sugary Mess - Part 1

So, the past couple of months have - shall we say - stressful as far as my prenatal care is concerned. I've told some people bits and pieces so here's everything that's happened:

The week before my OB was going to the 1 hour screening for gestational diabetes, I asked the doctor I saw that day about skipping it. I was told it was mandatory. I assumed that meant if I didn't get go through with it, they'd drop me as a patient and as much as I'd like to say I wouldn't have cared, from all the research and all my (limited) options for a vbac, I was at the best practice - and hospital (which is very important too) for what I wanted. I should have asked the doctor to elaborate on what they meant by "mandatory".

The next appointment came, I drank the nasty glucose drink and had to wait an hour before getting my blood drawn. In the meantime, I saw a different doctor (as they like to rotate so you can see all doctors - in my case, only 3 total - before delivering). I spoke to this doctor about how I wasn't thrilled about having my hemoglobins checked every other visit as they routinely did if there was no other concerns pointing to that need. I explained I just wanted everybody to be on the same page and didn't wanna surprise the nurse again by refusing it and could we come up with a plan to put a different schedule on my chart. I wasn't opposed to checking - but every other visit seemed a bit much; especially when I'm paying for it. The doctor agreed and said we came up with a plan. This doctor seemed very open in saying, "I don't want you to ever feel bad about refusing a test. There are very little things that are mandatory. If you refuse something, we just have to document it for our own safety (lawsuits...yeah, I knew that)." I then explained I was told the previous visit that the glucose test was mandatory. The doctor replied, "Well, that's probably not the best word. Yes, we recommend it. But we've had other women refuse it. If you want, you can refuse the blood draw. But since you've already drank the drink, why don't we just see where you are?" I explained that even if I went ahead with the 1 hour, no matter the results, I'd refuse the 3 hour. He didn't so much blink an eye at that.

I was very concerned that IF I went ahead with it and IF, for some reason, it came back indicating I had gestational diabetes, they wouldn't be as supportive of my vbac. The doctor assured me that wouldn't happen. So, what did I have to lose right? I went ahead with it.

But I didn't want to. I'll explain why later.

A couple days later, the nurse calls back to tell me I didn't pass the 1 hour screening and needed to take the 3 hour test. I told her I didn't want to. She explained "this is how we do things". I told her I understood but I had spoken with the doctor and I didn't want to take the 3 hour test. She asked which doctor, I told her, and she said she's speak with them and call back.

A week later, the nurse calls back. She says the doctor told her they believe I should go ahead with the 3 hour test and would I like to schedule it. I replied, "No, I would not". She then said, "Ok, the doctor said if you said that, they want you to come into the office and speak with them."

What?!

At this point, I'm thinking the doctor was backtracking. Now I REALLY didn't want to do the 3 hour test. Because even though they previously said they'd still support my vbac, he also said I could refuse the blood draw from the 1 hour screening. And if I had just done that, no one would be any the wiser and we would be going along our merry way. So how am I to trust that they'll REALLY be supportive of my vbac if the 3 hour test results come in as unfavorable?

I asked Septtro to come with me - hoping that would help the doctor know I had his support and I wasn't just some crazy woman refusing tests left and right at the risk of my baby.

When we saw the doctor, he had a VERY different tone. He went on to say that he just didn't understand why I wouldn't want to go through with the 3 hour if all it would do would benefit my baby. I explained that, with a toddler, it's not exactly fun to find a sitter for very early in the morning for several hours AND have to go without eating for half a day while pregnant. I went through that with Ri's pregnancy and it was not fun - oh, and I passed by the way. Not to mention, I don't want anything permantly on my medical charts such as "gestational diabetes" that could somehow affect my future births. I don't know how insurance or laws may change in the future. And I don't want a diagnosis (that I don't feel is accurate - like I said, I'll get to that later) preventing me from doing what I feel is best for my health and the health of my future babies. I also said I had done research and didn't find any significant risks to not going through with the test. The doctor's reply??? "The risk is that your baby can die".

Wow.

The doctor went on to explain how if gestational diabetes goes untreated, the baby can be too big and their shoulders can get stuck (shoulder dystocia) and they can suffer permanent damage to their shoulder and/or arms or even die. (Scuze me but have you ever heard of the Gaskin Maneuver? Not to mention, there are MANY reasons for shoulder dystocia (although many times, it cannot be prevented) - including getting an epidural. But do they warn women of that before administering the epidural? I know I wasn't. (source)

So we went back and forth as pleasantly as possible until I finally said, "Could I just monitor myself at home?" This is what they would ask of me anyway (as well as going to a class on gestational diabetes and having a nutritionist give me a strict diet) if the 3 hour test came back unfavorable. "Sure" was the reply, and then "but I would just think that'd be more of an inconvenience than doing the 3 hour test". I explained that if I could eat my normal diet, not have to find a sitter for my child, drive over to the office an extra time, and not fast for half a day, I found that to be much more convenient. He said he'd like to see the numbers for a week. A week? "Interesting", I thought, "as your office relies on a one-day test before slapping the label of gestational diabetes on a pregnant woman. A test that gives a sugar shock to a pregnant body and isn't even close to their normal diet." Oh well, I can prick my finger four times a day for a week...no biggie.

My next regular appointment was less than a week away. I went to the local pharmacy and got a glucose monitor that was on sale. I didn't open it as I wanted to speak with the doctor (a different one, again...the 3rd one) about how exactly how they wanted me to go about this at home.

Almost immediately upon this third doctor entering the room, he asks, "So what are we going to do about this glucose test?" I replied that I wanted to monitor at home. He didn't seem too thrilled with that idea. He went on to explain that "this is standard practice with OBs across the country". Excuse me while I don't currently agree with "standard practice". "Standard practice" used to be to completely knock out a laboring woman, automatic enema, shaving....

That's another blog.

This doctor's tone was very harsh, I might go as far as to say, condescending. I was then told that if I wanted to do self-monitoring, that I would have to do it the remainder of my pregnancy. I explained I was previously told a week - to which I don't remember getting a reply. I asked why, if my glucose numbers on my normal diet looked good, would I need to continue monitoring the remainder of my pregnancy. "Oh, because, for instance, at week 24 your insulin levels could be fine but then at week 28, they could be higher". This is true because of the placentas role during pregnancy as well as increased blood volume.

Interesting. So I asked, "Well then what about the women who pass the 3 hour test at 24 weeks. You don't ever test them again."

"Right, but in those cases, their urine sample would indicate something was up".

Oh. So my urine sample wouldn't? I didn't ask this. Like I said, he was very harsh. And I was by myself. He had on scrubs...and a shiny stethoscope! What did I know?

I think towards the end, he was starting to get annoyed and said, "If you don't monitor at home the rest of your pregnancy or do the 3 hour, that will affect how quickly we pull the trigger during labor". Thanks doc. That's super-duper encouraging!

Honestly, I didn't wanna monitor for the rest of my pregnancy. That really wouldn't be all that convenient. I wish I would have, though. I just felt like he was trying to make any alternative other than the "standard practice" of the 3 hour test such a pain, that I would ultimately choose the 3 hour test. So...I did.

I never was eating a lot of sugar during this pregnancy...I prefered fruit. In fact, for my birthday, I asked my mom to make fruit salad in lieu of cake. Especially because I'm at home, my food choices are limited and have been much better than with my pregnancy with Rilynn. I always eat whole grains, usually a snack consisted of an apple or some yogurt, I walk about 6 miles a week, I've gained near 20 pounds less than I did at this point with Ri, and I drink mostly water. The week before the test, I completely cut out sugar and tried to eat as much protein as possible.

I went in for the 3 hour this past Tuesday morning. I got dizzy and felt very sleepy. But thankfully, the time passed fairly quickly. Wednesday evening around 5:00, the nurse called. I failed.

And I lost it. I didn't expect that. And I didn't want that label.

The nurse said my first number (fasting level) was good. But after I drank the drink, my levels shot up REALLY high. Shocker...my body had nothing to eat since 9pm the night before and hardly gets sugar and then all the sudden, gets a drink full of it. Well once that number was that high, I was shot. There's no way the other two numbers could come down fast enough to be within their range limit. I never did get my 4th number but she said because my 2nd and 3rd numbers were too high, it didn't matter.

So...that's what's happened so far. I have a lot more to say about how I feel about GD after researching it from various sources...but that's another post. And then there's how I'm handling this in my relationship to Christ. That's another post too. :)

Cheeser

This girl knows the camera when she sees it!

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Natural Athlete

So it's no secret we hope Ri will enjoy playing sports when she's older. I think she's got a pretty decent arm, don't you?? :)

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Children's Museum

We went with my mom, sis-in-law, and nephews to our local Children's Museum this morning. They played in a water exhibit and got soaked...and so Ri didnt quite slide down the slide very well afterwards. Good thing I had an extra set of clothes in her bag!

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If I Could Turn Back Time

If future me could go back in time and talk to myself while pregnant with Ri, this is what I would say:

1. Read more than just "What to Expect When You're Expecting". There's some helpful information there, but it doesn't go in depth about the process of birth, pros and cons of tests and procedures, etc. I recommend watching "The Business of Being Born". It's a documentary with a lot of helpful information. I would also recommend "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth"

2. Hire a doula!!

"The presence of a doula can be beneficial no matter what type of birth you are planning."

"Numerous studies have revealed the benefits of having a doula present during labor. A recent Cochrane Review, Continuous Support for Women During Childbirth, revealed a very high number of positive birth outcomes when a doula was present. When a doula was present, women were less likely to have pain relief medications administered, less likely to have a cesarean birth, and reported having a more positive childbirth experience.

Other studies have shown that having a doula as part of the birth team decreases the overall cesarean rate by 50%, the length of labor by 25%, the use of oxytocin by 40% and the request for an epidural by 60%." - source

3. Don't assume everything your OB tells you is true...even proven statistically. I was told at 30-something weeks that Ri was a bit over 7 pounds based on an ultrasound. What I wasn't told was that late ultrasounds can be off by a pound or more in either direction. (source) The truth is, there's no way to know how big your baby is until he/she is born. I was also told that induction would be my best option to avoid a c-section. What I wasn't told was that statistically, the "use of labor induction (whether elective or not) increased the odds of having a C-section by more than 2.6 times." (source)

4. Don't wait to become educated after your first baby due to fear of the unknown.

I remember saying, "I'm very interested in natural child birth, but it's just too much to learn about right now" and "I'm just too scared to try it with my first".

Sure, everything might go just as you dreamed it would...contractions hit, arrive at the hospital, labor progresses, perhaps get an epidural, baby comes out fairly quickly, minimal to no tearing, everyone is happy and healthy.

But what if it doesn't go that way. It didn't for me. (If you haven't heard about how everything went, you can read about it here.) I suppose if everything had gone differently, I'd be all for using an epidural again in a hospital setting.

5. Check with your OB to see their induction rates (and reasons), cesarean rates (and reasons), as well as the hospital you plan where you plan to deliver.

I had NO idea I was seeing an OB practice that has one of the highest cesarean rates in the area. Part of this is due to the fact that they see a lot of high-risk patients. But I wasn't high-risk. So why put myself under care that's almost "over kill"?

6. There's truly no way to know for sure how any medical intervention affects a baby in utero.

A drug was used for over 30 years (from 1938-1971) called diethylstilbestrol (or DES) because it was thought to help prevent miscarriages for pregnant women. Turns out, it didn't help prevent miscarriages at all. And even worse, it negatively affected the reproductive system of the growing baby - causing abnormal cells later in life for the child. (source)

It's just a little scary to me that this drug was used for SO long and it took more than 30 years for them to realize the negative effects. It just makes me wonder what other interventions are being used today that may later be shown to have negative effects as well.



So, I've learned that I view birth differently now. After researching, I feel it's not to be treated as a medical condition. It's to be treated as a natural process (that granted, sometimes needs medical intervention - yet the majority of the time, that's not the case).

I've learned that because I wasn't educated with my first baby, I'm now limited to my birth options with my subsequent babies. Yes, I'm planning a vbac. But it's not been easy.

Please let me say again, I do NOT feel women who choose a route other than natural child birth are harming themselves or their babies or are uneducated. I'm saying I was uneducated and because of that, my options now for subsequent births are more limited - not what I had planned and not what I wanted.

So if you're pregnant for the first time or thinking about becoming pregnant, let me encourage you - don't wait! No matter what birth experience you're looking for, educate yourself as much as you possibly can!

Blacked-eyed Ri Ri

So it's not bad, but Ri does have a black eye - her first. It's her left eye. If you look closely, you can see the bruising on her eye lid.

It happened Monday evening. We were reading our story before bed and I saw a mosquito. I got up to squish it and Ri walked right in front of me, tripped over my foot, and hit her head on her humidifier (she was going over to turn it on because we let her push the buttons to turn it on before bed). At first, I looked her over and saw no bumps or bleeding. But a minute later, I noticed a small cut near the corner of her left eye - which was bleeding a tad - and a bump started to appear. Thankfully, she was really good at allowing me to hold some ice on it to help with the swelling.

The next morning when I went to get her out of bed, I was expecting her entire eye to be black. But it actually looked fairly good. Praise God for His protection! If she had fallen a few inches differently, she could have injured her actual eye on the corner of the humidifier.

As small of an injury this turned out to be, I still felt awful for her. I know there will be more. Just goes to show I am not ultimately in control of her safety - God is. How humbling to realize no matter how much I try to keep her from getting hurt, I cannot prevent it; only help her through it when it does happen - and to thank God...because it could always be much worse.

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MORE Animal Sounds

Now we've got a chicken, cow, and monkey down pat! It's amazing how quickly someone so little can learn new things!

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Day After Day

I just love this picture of Ri's sweet profile.

These are my days: a living room (and dining room...and bedroom) full of toys, squeals of delight, small whispers of unitelligable toddler babble, the pitter-patter of bare feet constantly moving on the hardwoods, little hands tugging at my shirt, sweet smiles and hugs, and many other "every day" memories I wish I could bottle up for later.

Sometimes it's hard to be a stay-at-home mom. I hardly get to leave "work". But when my heart grows weary of the same ol stuff, I try to remember she will soon be grown. And what a treasure and blessing it is to have her in my life! I am so very thankful for the gift she is...and the gift it is for me to spend each day with her!

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Animal Sounds

Maybe it's just coincidence but the only animal sound Ri knows on command so far is the one for a chicken. :)

She loves feeding the "chickies". Although I don't think she quite understands the hens don't really care for the sticks, dirt, and rocks she tries to give them.

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Good Morning Smiles!

Cheeeeeeeese!

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The Verdict!!! (at least for now)

I had my gender scan appointment today. I must admit, I was very nervous. I suppose I'll always be nervous.

Anyway, the ultrasound tech at my new OB is not my favorite. I've come to assume she's probably never been pregnant herself as her interaction with patients needs some serious improvement. She said she was gonna do some measurements then turn the screen to me. Those were the longest 2 minutes of my life! When she finally turned the screen around, she was showing us everything but never asked if we wanted to know the gender (we did, but still). As she scanned, I caught a glimpse of what I thought looked like a girl. Well, turns out, I was right! :) After having to ASK the tech to tell us, she went back and showed us again. But she was very vague...saying "sometimes girls like to turn into boys" but that "everything" should be in place by now. I asked her if she was sure the baby was a girl. She replied, "I'm sure it's a girl at this point". Ha! I told the doctor and he chuckled and said in 10 years, she's never been wrong. I guess she's just a lil...cautious perhaps? Still, it makes me wanna get another ultrasound later on to be sure.

So everything looked great! What an awesome Valentines Day present! :) The hubby and I are still completely deadlocked on names at this point. But at least now we know we can focus on girl names! I really want this baby's name to have a good meaning behind it like Rilynn's name. In case you didn't know, Septtro and I came up with her name while at the lake. We liked Ryan for a girl but wanted to spell it differently. My middle name is Lynnette so then we thought Ryan Lynn. And Rilynn was born! I'm hoping we can come up with something just as creative and meaningful for this baby.

I'm SO excited Ri will have a sister! I never had a sister or grew up with any girl cousins near me so I'm excited for her! :) We plan to have them share a room (currently, Ri's room). Hopefully, that will work out. Ri is a bit of a light sleeper but we'll give it a whirl!

Praise God for a healthy baby!!

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Betcha $20

We had lunch with our good friends, the Williamsons, today. We brought up the challenge of trying to eat a tablespoon of cinnamon...it's near impossible but definitely very entertaining. :) Ryan was our first victim, errr, challenger to try it. Needless to say, he didn't win the $20 placed on the table.

Can you do it? Eat an entire tablespoon of cinnamon? I betcha $20! ;)

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Amazon Mom

Yes I use cloth diapers but I also still use disposables a fair amount. So when Shawna told me about this, I had to check it out. If you join Amazon Mom, you get a discount on diapers (look for the brand currently on sale for extra savings).

For even more money off, you can find coupons in various parenting magazines for 20% off or $10 off (some of these parenting magazines are free! Stop in your local Babies R Us to check for any free ones). Not that I pay much attention to what the magazines actually say. I don't agree with most of their advice, but they have Amazon diaper coupons!

AND, if you happened to get that HOT Amazon gift card deal a while back from LivingSocial, you can combine that as well - which could make a big box of diapers almost free with free shipping!

Check it out for yourself!

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Breaking News - Or Not

I don't know why I haven't posted this earlier. You may already know. But....




I'm 15 weeks today. I know. Was I going to wait until the baby was born before announcing it? I just kept saying, "Oh I'll post a lil somethin after [this appointment], [that happens], etc." And my family knew already so I figured what was the rush. And then, all of the sudden, I'm in my second trimester!

My plan is still to prepare for a VBAC. I switched OBs and strongly desire to have this baby naturally and, most of all, avoid another c-section. I started researching before I even got pregnant but there are still several decisions to be made as far as classes, doulas, etc etc.

WE ARE THRILLED that God has chosen to add to our family! We are absolutely clueless on names for either a girl or boy (but we ARE finding out - on Valentines Day!). I kinda feel like it might be a girl but maybe that's just because deep down, I'd like Ri to have a sister (I never did or had any girl cousins close by). Plus, she's been saying "sissy" lately. Maybe it's a sign? :) And her room is, believe it or not, almost finished and I think it'd be a cute room for two little girls to share. But I'd be absolutely over the moon if it's a lil boy too! I would definitely love to have a lil man!

We'll find out soon!!

Snow Day!!

We had the biggest snow today than we've had in a really long time! I haven't officially measured but I think we got at least 6-7 inches. The temperature has been steady at near freezing all day and should stay in the 30s most of the week. We've had freezing rain/sleet this afternoon, which makes for even better sledding conditions!

Septtro had off today and has tomorrow off too! It's been so nice having him home!! We took Ri sledding and she eventually seemed to enjoy herself. :) She started playing in the snow a little bit before we came back inside. Septtro and I went sledding and snowboarding on the pipeline next to our house. It was very fun to go sledding again! I don't remember the last time I've been!

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Feedin Myself

I started this yesterday morning to see how she'd do. I think she does a pretty good job if I do say so myself! :)

Can you tell she knows the camera??

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Messy Breakfast

I'm mainly posting this as a test for a new application i downloaded to blog from my phone.

This was this morning at breakfast. She gave new meaning to the words "pound cake". :)

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Merry Christmas!

Sicky Icky

This is how Ri rode home from TN most of the trip yesterday.  She got sick at the house (at about 10:45am) before we left and by 2:00 that afternoon, had gotten sick a total of 4 times...each time was less and less, of course.  She wouldn't suck her thumb or drink anything or even crack a smile as hard as I tried to make her laugh.  But she did, very wearily, blow me a kiss.  :)  I held her hand, rubbed her head, and made sure the plastic bag was ready as soon as I heard a cough.

By the time we were about 20 minutes from home, Ri was drinking her sippy, chattering away, and smiling again.  I have NO idea what caused her to get sick but I am incredibly thankful to God that since we got home yesterday, she has been perfectly fine!  Praise God for His goodness!

Stair Master

Today I was in the living room at my parent's house and my mom had gone up to her room to get some socks.  Soon, I heard my mom say to me, "she's climbing the stairs!".  Sure enough, she was indeed.

GoGreen Pocket Diaper Review

Ok so I had wanted to try to cloth diaper for a long time. But I'll be honest. The initial cost was pretty significant. Even though $4-$5 per jumbo pack (with my couponing) seemed like it was much cheaper, I knew cloth was going to be in the long run but it was hard for me to imagine spending $350 or so to begin. If you're at all interested like I was, I'm here to tell ya, you DON'T HAVE TO SPEND THAT MUCH!

I found GoGreen Pocket diapers and I LOVE them! I held them up to my name-brand diapers and you really cannot tell a difference. At first I was a little bit nervous about the quality because of the price being so much lower (HALF of what the "big dogs" charge) but they were absolutely comparable! And, the prints are SO cute! I mean, could Ri look ANY cuter in her cow print diaper below???



As far as doing the job, I haven't had any issues. There are enough snaps to ensure it fits snug around Ri - even with her chubby legs and thighs. I tried them overnight as well (doubling up on the inserts like I usually do with other diapers) and in the morning - NO LEAKS! Each diaper costs $8.99 or $9.99 depending on the style and shipping is always $5 no matter how much you order! You can also order packages of 3, 4, 6 or 12 and save a few bucks! They also started offering wet/dry bags and gift certificates. If you haven't already, check out their website here. The customer service is awesome!!! And there's a 15 day wash and wear policy so if you decide it's not for you, just return them! I mean, really, if you're at all interested in cloth diapering or if you're looking to expand your stash, give GoGreen Pocket Diapers a try. I really think you'll be glad you did!!

I love Shutterfly!!!

So Shutterfly is now doing a promotion for bloggers - if you blog, you should do it! They have ALL kinds of designs you can choose from so there's for sure one that will fit your style. One of my favorites is the timeline card. You can put pictures as well as information about what happened with your family in the past year. They also have a folded 5x7 card that is similar to the timeline card but you can add a bit more information. They also offer some cards that part of the proceeds will be donated to organizations such as LiveStrong and The American Lung Association. So you can send out your yearly Christmas card and also make a contribution to a charitable cause!

I'm already imagining all of the creative things I will be able to do this year with my Christmas card! I've made photo books with Shutterfly and they always do an excellent job!! I'm excited to make my Christmas cards with Shutterfly this year! Check out their choices for photo Christmas cards here and holiday cards here. Shutterfly can even take care of helping address and mail your cards directly to your family and friends! You know it's a lot easier to type out all those address than write them. :) And don't forget about their other products they offer such as invitations - for just about any occasion you can think of! Take a look here.

Ok well I gotta get goin on creating my card. I don't really wanna wait until the second week of December like we did last year.

Lemme See!

Sometimes Ri would take too big of bites of food and gag.  So I started asking her to show me she'd chewed all of her food to make sure she didn't have any more food in her mouth before getting more.  Now she repeatedly shows me when she wants more.  Perhaps we should work on a more polite way to show we've chewed all of our food??

I Bob My Head Like This....

Ri has some pretty impressive dance moves - check her out!  :)

Looking Back - Going Forward

I have been putting off blogging about this. I didn't wanna take myself back and open up thoughts and feelings I've been trying so hard to suppress and forget about. But sometimes, writing can help heal. So that's what I'm hoping for.

First, let me say that Rilynn is the joy of my heart. I never thought in a gazillion years I could have the love and connection that I do with my daughter. But it didn't start out that way. And I honestly believe it's because of the birth experience I had. I've blogged about my experience before here.

I know there are women who don't have c-sections who still don't feel connected and bonded with their baby immediately. But is it normal - and I'm being totally honest here - to look at your newborn baby girl and be angry? Of course I wasn't angry at her, but looking at her brought back my horrible birth experience. Even now, passing by that hospital brings back this hit-in-the-gut feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yes, she was and has been very healthy. And I'm very thankful for that. But contrary to what some may feel or believe, that's not all that matters. And I don't expect women who've never experienced what I have to understand that - similar to not expecting women who've never lost a baby to understand what that's like.

I'm well aware that the Lord allowed this situation to happen for a reason; that He's placed this in my life to bring more glory and honor to Him. But I'm still working through it in my mind and heart. I STILL feel cheated. Over a year later, and I haven't "gotten over it".

When I was younger, I used to have a "No Fear" shirt that said, "There's nothing more painful than regret". Boy...does that ever ring true. I regret I didn't do things differently for my first birth. But I can't go back and change anything. And now, as my husband and I desire to add to our family, I find myself determined to make the next pregnancy completely different.

But, because of my previous section, I am finding it extremely difficult to do so. I had NO idea there were laws against how a woman could choose to deliver her baby! Seriously, this country has no problem allowing mothers to kill their unborn babies, but when I desire to choose what I believe the safest option (VBAC - vaginal birth after cesarean) for myself as well as my baby, it's illegal?! You've GOT to be kidding me!

I've been researching options for close to two months now. I want to be prepared before I become pregnant again. I want to know where to go. I certainly won't be returning to my previous OB. I may even consider going to Columbia or Asheville - I'm still collecting information for closer options. But I have yet to find somewhere locally where I feel comfortable that they would HELP me with a VBAC - not just "allow me to try". I need to be surrounded by people I trust and who trust in my body's ability. I honestly think it's VERY sad that there aren't more options and support in my area for women in my position.

I want no intervention unless it's an absolute emergency. I want to be able to allow my body to do what it was designed to do. I really don't even want to be at a hospital. But because of laws here, that's not even an option for me. Oh how I wish I could have my next baby at home!!

So we'll see. I'll continue researching. I know God's desire is for me to look to Him. I, by no means, want this pursuit of a natural VBAC to become a god in my life. For those reading this that may think my desire is foolish or unsafe, please understand I have done EXTENSIVE research: a complete rupture occurs in much less than 1% of women attempting a VBAC and a VBAC is actually, in most cases, considered safer than a repeat elective cesarean. Uterine rupture can also occur in women with no previous cesarean with the use of pitocin. I could go on and on. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists just recently stated their (new and improved - in my opinion) belief towards women trying for a VBAC here. I feel confident that trying for a VBAC is safe for me and my future baby.

Just to be clear, I don't look down on anyone or feel it's wrong or irresponsible to choose cesarean. I'm just stating how I feel about my next pregnancy. I'm not anti-doctor. I'm just a little more pro-natural. :) I don't know if God will allow me to have a successful VBAC with my next baby. I hope so. But if not, I know He is still good and His plan is still perfect.

Thoughts on Cloth So Far

So I've been using cloth diapers for about a week and a half now. Here's what I've learned so far:

1. Cloth diapering is a COMPLETELY different culture. I had to spend a lot of time on the Internet (including youtube) to educate myself as well as asking advice from the few people I know who use cloth.

2. I don't really care for "that look" people give me when I tell them I'm using cloth diapers. One thing I've learned - don't knock it until you've tried it. Maybe you won't like it, but please don't wrinkle your nose at me until you've tried. Seriously, it's probably not anything like you're thinking. Pins are rubber pants (as well as rashes and leaks) are NOT the norm anymore.

3. It WILL save me money. I'm using wash cloths for wipes now whem I'm at home. It's just easier to throw everything in the wash together.

4. I should have ordered a diaper sprayer from the beginning. Some people who cloth diaper don't want one. I do. It's definitely a must-have for me now. We are making our own and it's slightly cheaper but I don't have to wait on shipping and know the quality of the parts.

5. I don't have to have Ri in cloth ALL the time. There have been times at my parent's house or out and about that I put her in disposables. I think the more comfortable I become with cloth, though, the more I'll lean that way more full-time.

6. I wish I would have tried this sooner. It's actually become like a new hobby of mine to learn more and figure out what works best for our family. It's like a new adventure!! And, can anyone deny how CUTE cloth diapers are?! Too bad I didn't start this during the summer. They could have doubled as her bloomers. We could barely fit her chunky thighs into bloomers anyway.

So...what's my favorite type of diaper? POCKET!! This, I have found, is a favorite among a lot of cloth diapering moms. **I found a website I'm really excited about that I ordered from last night...pocket diapers for half the cost. Click here. I'll keep you posted on what I think of those**



I REALLY wanted to like the hybrid (Flip by BumGenius) because it's more trim but the insert just bunched up too much and was more prone to spring a leak. I have found for Ri, the pocket diaper really keeps the insert in place a lot better. Although the Flips have pretty rave reviews...they don't get my vote.



If you're considering trying cloth, I would encourage you to give it a whirl. The best way, I think, is to do a trial like I am. That way, you can try out a few different styles and whatever you don't like, you send back! I know for me, I wanted to try it but there are SO many different styles that I had no idea which one would work for Ri and didn't wanna invest in the "wrong" diaper. The trial has worked great for us! I'll be sending back the diapers I don't want this week and getting more pocket diapers instead.

She's Walkin!

Ri FINALLY decided today to take some unassisted steps and it's been SO fun!!

Good Girl!!!

So I've realized...I tell Rilynn "Good Girl!" a lot; probably more than I should. Not that I think it's horrible to say that phrase, but after talking with a few gals from my care group and my mom, I think it might be good to limit how much I say it.

But, you ask, what do you say to encourage???

I shall tell you! My mom mentioned this and I think it's a spectacular idea! If Ri is doing a good job eating her meal, instead of saying "oh what a good girl!" I can say, "oh what a good eater!"

If Ri puts her toy in the toy box when I ask her, instead of saying, "good girl!" I can say "what a good helper!"

In other words, I'm going to try to focus more on praising the characteristic she is exhibiting. After all, "no one does good, not even one" - Romans 3:12b And ultimately, I don't want her to think she's a "good girl"; but a young child in need of a Savior.

May God grant me grace...I'm sure I'll need it!! :)

Words

So I mainly want to document this for myself...

Yesterday at breakfast we had pancakes and were talking about them and Ri said "pancake" - seriously!  At first I wasn't really sure but then Septtro said he heard the same thing! 

Then at dinner last night, she was holding her hands in the air and so my dad said "praise Jesus!" and she said it back!  Of course she wouldn't say it again though.  And she's been saying "uh oh" for a couple weeks. 

It might be too early to tell but I think she might be a chatter box.  :) 

Bottoms Up!

I thought this view was just too cute not to share.  :)

Ready to Cloth!!!!

So I did it. I ordered cloth diapers. I really considered doing it before Ri was born - read here. The main reason I didn't do it when Ri was born was because I was freaked out to add anything else new to the mix. And I have and still do get good deals on disposable diapers. But I remain intrigued. There hasn't been a person who uses cloth diapers that I've spoken to that doesn't love it.

Cloth diapering is NOT like it used to be "back in the day". What I'm most excited about, is there are actually biodegradable disposable inserts you can put inside the cloth diaper (on top, basically) that will be a HUGE help when I'm out running errands or when Ri is in nursery, etc. They're MUCH cheaper than a disposable diaper would be and can even be reused a few times and thrown in the wash if they just get wet, not dirty. How cool is that?

I ordered several diapers from www.diaperjunction.com to do their 30 day diaper trial. It's the longest trial I found and I was able to choose what I wanted. I was able to get 10 diapers, a wet bag, and disposable inserts for under $200 (they had a promotional to get a free diaper with $75 purchase and I found a $5 off coupon code to use). What I don't like, I send back! Of course, one of the best things about this is that I can figure out a system I like and be ready to use it with subsequent babies, which will definitely save money.

My order shipped out today. I can't wait to try it out! And I REALLY can't wait to see Ri in the cute colors and prints!! The cow one pictured is one I ordered. They also had a REALLY cute pink hibiscus flower print one but they were out of stock. :(

One thing I have definitely learned is there is A LOT to learn about cloth diapering. I've done A LOT of research and feel like there's still a lot I don't know. But I feel like the best way to learn is to do right? I'll keep you posted!!

I'll Poke You in the Eye!

Ri's birthday was Saturday and EVERYBODY was here to celebrate!!  It was so nice to have everyone together.  Brynnen and Rilynn got to play together often.  A few things about this video:

1.  We need to work more on Ri's desire to swat others in the face

2.  I hope in the future the girls will be ale to play together nicely

3. For some reason, Ri got her feelings hurt at the end of the video and her eyes started tearing up.  This was very difficult for her Daddy to witness.  :)  But I love how much he cares about her! 

Book Review - A Christmas Prayer by Amy Parker

I got this book free in exchange for a review from www.booksneeze.com. Anyway, so here goes:

This is a book that has a simple rhyme on each page of several elements of Christmas. I love that the pages are baby friendly. Considering Ri is only a year old, she would tear normal pages. They're thicker and more cardboard-like. The outside of the book was kinda puffy, making even more for a baby-friendly book. Ri really loved turning the pages herself. :)

Each page goes over one element of Christmas - angels, Jesus, Mary, etc. It's really a very cute book and very simple, rhyming words. I just kinda wish that the book went into a little more detail. But I guess for a smaller child, this is really all they need.

Overall, it was a very cute book. The illustrations were really neat - like a sketch almost. I think we will probably bring this book out at Christmas. Who knows, maybe it will become a favorite?!

Kisses!

When I first turned the camera on, she knew it and gave this shy smile...so cute!  She definitely knows the camera! 

Intent

There was once a time when I wondered when Rilynn was actually being disobedient and knowing exactly what she was doing.  I mean, being born sinful I knew I wouldn't have to teach her to be defiant or disobey.  But once I saw this face, it was pretty clear.  If this isn't the face of intent, I don't know what is!

*By the way, this was after she had been told "no" by Daddy and she was reaching for what she wanted anyway.*

We are working on pointing her towards obedience and a desire to seek and please the Lord...I know it's a long road but we conitnually pray for God's wisdom in this area.

Go Team!

This was at Septtro's first home football game this season (last Friday).  She LOVED when the band played.  :)

Our good friends, the Naisangs, made her t-shirt for us.  Isn't it cute?! 

Feeding the Lil Bird

This was at my parent's house this past Friday. My mom has us all over for dinner once a week. Yes, very nice!! :)

Emmory doesn't care for green beans anymore. So he was glad to feed them to Ri when they were put on his tray. And Ri was content to be fed like a dainty lil bird.

I think it's cute how Mur opens his mouth when Ri does as he's feeding her. How many times have I caught myself doing that when feeding Rilynn? I guess that's just a natural reaction that starts very early!

Cuddlin with GiGi

We went to visit great-grandma (aka GiGi).  It was nap time when we went to visit so after Ri was fussy for a while, she decided to be cuddly.  :)

Lookin Good!

Yesterday was the beginning of the end for these pox I think.  No new ones have popped up and all the others are beginning to dry out and scab over.  Yay!

Can I tell you how incredibly thankful I am to the Lord that through all of this, Ri was still her happy self?  Well, I'm incredibly thankful!  :)

Pox of the Chicken Kind

So Friday morning when I changed Ri's diaper, she had several red bumps.  I thought they were bug bites but then more appeared.  Then they appeared on her face, scalp, and neck and have slowly made their way to her back, chest, hands, legs, etc. 

We went to the doctor this morning after I descibed it over the phone and they asked that I bring her into the office.  The nurse practitioner and two doctors looked at her, examined the spots, and asked questions.  The verdict: "Well we're not really sure exactly what it is".  Phhh...great.  They think it could be chicken pox but they're not certain because it didn't start on her trunk like it normally does but then again, they said chicken pox can exhibit itself in various ways with children so young. A few of the bumps did have clear fluid in them but I can't say for sure all of them did.

She had a very low grade fever for, literally, only hours yesterday but that's it. She's sleeping normal and just as happy and active as always. Except the appearance of the bumps, you'd never know anything was even wrong.   

I personally think it is chicken pox but I guess we'll never know for certain.  I don't know of where she could have been exposed except for grocery stores or a few other stores we've been to the past couple weeks. 

At least she's not acting like she's miserable.  The doctor gave me a perscription for an antibiotic ointment but even the pharmacist said she'd hold off on it. (I think doctors like to send you out the door with at least some type of perscription just to cover any and all possibilities.)  So for now, I'll just keep putting my trusty coconut oil on the bumps and periodically check her temperature. 

Sweet baby girl...I hope they go away really soon!

Time Management

I posted before about my struggle with time management.  I need a routine, a schedule...but also flexibility.  I wasn't quite sure how to balance the two without stressing myself out. So my dear friend from church, Rita, helped me out and this is what we came up with.

I have the flexibility to switch days if I need to or want to, which is nice, but I also have just a minimal amount of chores each day so I still have some structure without overwheming myself.  I even have set days for visiting with others (which, like I said, could be rearranged if needed).

I'm pretty excited about using this. I will begin full force next week!

Thanks Rita!!  :)

Adoptive Moms and Nursing

Ok you may think this is weird, but I think it's pretty amazing! 

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How Did This Happen??

See this...this is the cake pan for Ri's personal birthday cake. My friend let me borrow it.  It's about the size of two cupcakes worth of cake - perfect for a 1 year old I think.  Ugh, there it is...1 year old.  My baby will be 1 next month!  51 days!

How did this happen??!  I feel like I'm just now getting used to the idea that I'm a mom...that I have a daughter...that I'm not playing "house".     

Three Guesses

I'll give you three guesses how this happened.  :)

I knew it'd happen sooner or later.  No more putting her down and expecting she'll stay there.  No more being unconcerned about Ri's surroundings.  She is quickly moving from a baby to a toddler.  It's more difficult but so much fun!

Waving!

She's just started doing this.  Yes, she waves backwards but we're making progress.  :)

Tiiiiiiiiime, why you punish me?

Ok so can you imagine me singing the title from Hootie and the Blowfish's song from way back? No? Another post, another time perhaps.

I have REALLY been struggling lately with managing my time. I think I like to make A LOT of excuses. Scratch that. I KNOW I like to make a lot of excuses. And then there's the guilt that comes with not accomplishing what I think I should have accomplished each day.

I have tried to-do lists. Those seem to stress me out more. Because then I seem to do something that's not on my list instead of what's actually on my list. You know, I pass by the dresser and it's full of dust and I decide it must be dusted immediately! Of course, I promtly add it to my list so I can have the joy of crossing something off my list...but then it just extends my to-do list for the day - making it impossible for me to accomplish all that I wish to; so I feel guilty, and in turn, I wanna give up all together. Septtro has told me to only do one thing - one simple thing - a day while I'm home with Ri. After that's done, I should feel free to just enjoy spending time with my sweet baby girl. But for some reason, I have a very hard time doing that. I mean, what counts as my "one thing"? Putting a few dishes away? Folding and putting away Rilynn's laundry? - wait, that would count as two things right? What about actually getting out of my pajamas? You see how my mind works? It's exhausting, really.

What I do know, is that my to-do list will never end. But I need to come up with a way to feel productive as a mom and wife, yet keep my sanity. One area that needs to improve GREATLY is my quiet time with the Lord. I know this. But why is it I can't seem to get consistent? My excuse that I am too busy with a baby is fading...she'll be 10 months tomorrow!

Ultimately, where is my satisfaction coming from? Obviously not from the Lord. My focus is obviously off. I see that. And I desperately wanna get focused.

I'm just being honest. And I'm open for suggestions.

Future Cheerleader?

She's even said "yay!" a few times. Not that I want her to become a cheerleader, but she does have quite an impressive clap. 

No Longer Our Baby

Suka has had quite the adjustment in the past 9 months. She literally used to be our baby. She'd go everywhere with us.

I can remember people telling me that relationship would change once Ri got here. I didn't believe it. But it's true. It's like someone once said, "Once you have a baby, your dog becomes your dog."

Although she's no longer our baby, she's still a very important part of our family. Sometimes it's nice to have some Suka time.  :)

Big Girls Don't Cry **video fixed**

I didn't realize the video didn't upload before. I have to do it from my cell phone and sometimes it doesn't upload properly.

Anyway, we went to Florida for a week to spend time with family. While we were there, Rilynn got to play with her cousin, Brynnen. Ri has always liked to scream - but Brynn wasn't too thrilled with how Ri was communicating. :)

To Do...

Is it bad to live out of a suitcase when you're at home?  :)

I just don't like unpacking very much. It's on my to-do list.