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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Tiiiiiiiiime, why you punish me?

Ok so can you imagine me singing the title from Hootie and the Blowfish's song from way back? No? Another post, another time perhaps.

I have REALLY been struggling lately with managing my time. I think I like to make A LOT of excuses. Scratch that. I KNOW I like to make a lot of excuses. And then there's the guilt that comes with not accomplishing what I think I should have accomplished each day.

I have tried to-do lists. Those seem to stress me out more. Because then I seem to do something that's not on my list instead of what's actually on my list. You know, I pass by the dresser and it's full of dust and I decide it must be dusted immediately! Of course, I promtly add it to my list so I can have the joy of crossing something off my list...but then it just extends my to-do list for the day - making it impossible for me to accomplish all that I wish to; so I feel guilty, and in turn, I wanna give up all together. Septtro has told me to only do one thing - one simple thing - a day while I'm home with Ri. After that's done, I should feel free to just enjoy spending time with my sweet baby girl. But for some reason, I have a very hard time doing that. I mean, what counts as my "one thing"? Putting a few dishes away? Folding and putting away Rilynn's laundry? - wait, that would count as two things right? What about actually getting out of my pajamas? You see how my mind works? It's exhausting, really.

What I do know, is that my to-do list will never end. But I need to come up with a way to feel productive as a mom and wife, yet keep my sanity. One area that needs to improve GREATLY is my quiet time with the Lord. I know this. But why is it I can't seem to get consistent? My excuse that I am too busy with a baby is fading...she'll be 10 months tomorrow!

Ultimately, where is my satisfaction coming from? Obviously not from the Lord. My focus is obviously off. I see that. And I desperately wanna get focused.

I'm just being honest. And I'm open for suggestions.

3 comments:

Shawna Steenback said...

I sooo know what you mean! I always struggle with feeling like I get nothing done. But someone once told me that it is a productive day if you do two things: 1)have your quiet time and 2) train your children. That has really helped me....and of course those are the two most important things to Mark that I do as well. So the very first thing I do once Emmory goes down for his first nap is do my quiet time, that has really helped me be consistent.

ritapolk said...

Have you looked into the FlyLady website? Tasha posted about it a couple of months ago and it has REALLY helped me out a lot!

Aron Hainline said...

I so feel the same way everyday! Its worse now with 2 newborns and a 2 year old but I do one of two things each week and it helps me. I have to do a load or 2 of laundry a week or Chris helps with that on his days off. But I either take one day a week (usually monday) and get all my housework done. like full scrubbing housework, bathrooms, dust and etc. Then just pick up throughout the week and run a vacuum and do the little things throughout the rest of the week. or I try to do what Septro said just do 1 or 2 small things a day but only in the morning time. that is when I find my children the most content and me more motivated cause as the day does on I am so not or I have errands to run and etc. Also, I love to have quiet time with the lord right before bed. Some wake up before the kids but im still up a few times a night feeding babies and Im not a early bird but I have always had Jackson on a strict early bed time and I do it with the twins now too so at night works best for me. Also, dont beat yourself up too much, your a mom now and there is never enough hours during the day to do all you want to do, just focus on whats important cause it gets worse with more kids! praying for you sweetie