Ok so can you imagine me singing the title from Hootie and the Blowfish's song from way back? No? Another post, another time perhaps.
I have REALLY been struggling lately with managing my time. I think I like to make A LOT of excuses. Scratch that. I KNOW I like to make a lot of excuses. And then there's the guilt that comes with not accomplishing what I think I should have accomplished each day.
I have tried to-do lists. Those seem to stress me out more. Because then I seem to do something that's not on my list instead of what's actually on my list. You know, I pass by the dresser and it's full of dust and I decide it must be dusted immediately! Of course, I promtly add it to my list so I can have the joy of crossing something off my list...but then it just extends my to-do list for the day - making it impossible for me to accomplish all that I wish to; so I feel guilty, and in turn, I wanna give up all together. Septtro has told me to only do one thing - one simple thing - a day while I'm home with Ri. After that's done, I should feel free to just enjoy spending time with my sweet baby girl. But for some reason, I have a very hard time doing that. I mean, what counts as my "one thing"? Putting a few dishes away? Folding and putting away Rilynn's laundry? - wait, that would count as two things right? What about actually getting out of my pajamas? You see how my mind works? It's exhausting, really.
What I do know, is that my to-do list will never end. But I need to come up with a way to feel productive as a mom and wife, yet keep my sanity. One area that needs to improve GREATLY is my quiet time with the Lord. I know this. But why is it I can't seem to get consistent? My excuse that I am too busy with a baby is fading...she'll be 10 months tomorrow!
Ultimately, where is my satisfaction coming from? Obviously not from the Lord. My focus is obviously off. I see that. And I desperately wanna get focused.
I'm just being honest. And I'm open for suggestions.
That time I stopped praying...
3 months ago