Beautiful Weekend!

Finally, a weekend without rain! Woo hoo!! I know we need the rain but it's much more fun to be out and about on the weekend. On Saturday, my mom and Shawna came over. We went for a walk, fed the horses some carrots, grilled some steaks (and ever since I've wanted another one), and watched Fireproof (good movie!). Here's some pics:

Shawna is due April 22nd!! Yay!! I'm 14 weeks and 4 days.


I think Tillman thought the horse was a big dog - he wanted to play but the horse wasn't too pleased. He was a bully anyway. He wouldn't let us feed the other one and when he didn't get a carrot, he'd kick and bite the gate.

Tillman runnin in the field near the pond.

She kept eating the grass - weirdo.

Lil Nugget

So I was thinking about Romans 13:8-10...

" ⁸Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. ⁹For the commandments, 'You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,' and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' ¹⁰Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

What if I really did love my neighbor as much as I love myself?

14 weeks!

Ok so I don't really know if this is my first week in my second trimester or my second. I've read so many different things. Anyway, here's what's happenin:

Week and day: 14 weeks 0 day (confirmed as of last Wednesday!)

Belly Button in or out: still hangin in there but the top part is already starting to try to pop out

Wedding rings on or off: on

Food cravings: spaghetti sauce, most breads

Food aversions: some types of chicken by itself (must be mixed in with something)

Nausea: this is getting better although I had a pretty rough morning with it yesterday

Energy level: still takin naps as much as possible - can't wait for that second trimester energy boost I keep hearing about

Weight gain: yeah about 10 pounds...I know, kinda a lot for my first trimester but hey, I'm carryin half a Samoan!

Mood: I can cry very easily for sure and still kind of feel like I might be trying to hold some excitement back

Maternity clothes: Been wearing just one pair with the big elastic band - very comfy! The other pants are still gettin the hair tie trick but that is already starting to feel uncomfortable

Size of baby: lemon

Changes of baby: baby can make facial expressions and even suck their thumb, baby has fingerprints, skeletal and organ development is complete and progressing every day

Next appointment: April 22nd - to hear the heartbeat...no ultrasound

Other: my nose is getting more and more stuffy - I probably sound like I have a cold sometimes; still burp a lot and can feel my heart beating faster, especially after I lie down after being up and about

Baby Sene's first pictures - and video

Here's our sweet bundle of joy - only about 3 inches long:

I think it's funny the baby has their hands over their ears...considering it's an ultrasound - which emits sound waves (not that baby could really hear it but it's funny to think about, nonetheless).

Backside of baby


Baby wasn't moving a whole lot - even in the video...I think he/she was tryin to sleep. :)


Look at the size of that brain!


so sweet!! :)

So here's how the appointment went:

We only waited in the waiting room about 10 minutes, then we were sent directly to the ultrasound room. I was a little confused cause I thought I'd have to change but there was nothin for me. She said she was gonna do the ultrasound on top cause I was about 14 weeks but I said I thought I wasn't that far along so the plans changed. She said she was going to start some report and she'd be back. She didn't come back for probably 5 minutes. Those 5 minutes seemed like an eternity! I told Septtro I was nervous and kept asking what was taking so long. He started to ramble on and on about what his plans were for the yard. I remember, at one point, thinking to myself, "This is like a sitcom moment". I was not listening to a thing he was saying as I was so nervous but he was doing all he knew to do to keep my mind off being nervous. :) I still have no idea what he said.

The tech finally returned and asked how I was. I told her I was really nervous and she said she could tell - really, I thought I was hiding it well? (sarcasm sarcasm). She asked if I had any children at home and I started to choke up. She asked if this was my first pregnancy and before she learned of my miscarriage, I was already in a full-blown sob. She came over and hugged me and said we'd take this one step at a time. She said she didn't want me to look at the screen - let her get her bearings and we'd look at it together. I agreed. She pushed the screen in front of me...then Septtro leaned forward. Nobody told him he shouldn't look right away right? :) Great...so I just closed my eyes. Within just a few seconds, she pushed the screen back and said, "Well there's baby!". I started crying again - this time for very different reasons....relief, joy, disbelief, hope...

I can't really explain how incredibly humbling it was to watch that precious life on the screen. I'd like to say I would have felt the same way without losing Peanut but I'm not sure I would have. I'm not entitled to anything on this earth that is good. I don't deserve it. But praise God for his infinite grace for allowing me to have this experience!

I'm still trying to convince myself there's really a little human inside me. When will it start to actually feel real? I guess it hits every woman at different stages. What I do know is, the creation of life is simply amazing! Praise God!!

Here is our lil one - tryin to get some sleep I think. :)

1st Ultrasound

Praise the Lord - all looked GREAT at my first ultrasound!!! The tech said it got a gold star!! :) The baby's heartbeat was 162 beats per minute and I'm 13 weeks and 1 day - due September 24th!! I'll post pictures soon and give more info on how everything went. Thanks so much for all of your prayers!!

11 weeks, 4 days - I think

So my first appointment is tomorrow at 8:30am. Then I'll know for sure how far along I am. This was taken at 11 weeks and 4 days - according to my calculations.

Yes I'm wearing maternity pants...they're just more comfortable now. I need to get more shirts because most of mine are just too short.

If you're reading this, please know I covet your prayers - especially tomorrow morning. I've been struggling with fear a lot lately; so much so, that last week, I really had no desire to even go to my appointment this week for fear of what I might hear or see (or not see). I have some verses (thanks Shawna!) that I will continue to meditate on but I know - especially tomorrow morning - the fear will return. My desire is that I will focus my thoughts on what I know to be true...God is good, He is in control, and His grace is sufficient.

I know there will be tears in the ultrasound room either way but my hope is that they will be tears of joy. Oh how my heart aches to be a mother...how I long to see my precious child that morning...alive, healthy, and performing all kinds of acrobatics for our entertainment.

Shower for Emmory!!

This past Saturday, my mom and I threw Shawna a shower...we're not very good party planners but it somehow came together. :) Thanks to Joelle and Maggie for all your help!!!!

The cake was so stinkin cute! AND it tasted GREAT...chocolate cake with raspberry and fudge in the middle...mmm mmm! If you ever need a cake made, April is the one to call!!

I loved the zebras - so cute! :)


Of course, Emmory got baseball outfits...this one was one of my favorites.




Shawna, me, and Sara

Shawna, me, and mom

Surprise!!!

As I was eating lunch yesterday in the break room at work, Septtro walked in! It was so nice to see him in the middle of the day! Then, when we went back to my desk, he had put a vase of flowers and a homemade card on my desk...he's a keeper! :) He couldn't stay long - only about 15 or 20 minutes, but it was still nice.

Oh, and bonus brownie points - the flowers were the same colors as our wedding colors (yellow and purple) and some of the flowers were the same flowers that were in my bouquet.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Today is Septtro and my 4 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 4 years already! Man I feel old. :) Here's some pictures from our past...


Can your boyfriend do this? :)



This was in Seattle at my brother's rehearsal dinner...we were engaged at the time.


This is one of my favorite pictures of Septtro. I think he's WAY cuter than Superman. :)
March 19, 2005 - the big day! :)


Our reception was so much fun!

We were trying to learn a Samoan dance. Happy Anniversary Septtroplex! I love you!

Happy Birthday Peanut

I figured today would be a difficult day. So far, so good though. Not only is it Monday, but this was my due date for my lil Peanut. But I know God's grace will get me through...always has and always will.

Dear Peanut,
I haven't written you in so long. I'm sorry. It's not because I don't miss you - I do. Today was supposed to be your birthday. We were going to finally meet face to face. Only now, we will meet face to face in the presence of our Lord. Last time I wrote, I asked if you were in heaven. I wasn't really sure. So many people have told me they believe you are. I guess I've made up my mind. I do believe you are in heaven. You were a living human...no matter how small.

I have some exciting news! Your dad and I are expecting another baby this Fall. We are so excited and hope to be able to meet your brother or sister. Don't worry, I will be sure to tell them they have an older sibling. :) I don't have their first picture yet. We didn't get to see them as soon as we got to see you. But as soon as we get it, I will place it right beside your picture on our fridge....side by side...my babies.

I hope you don't worry about how your dad and I are doing. God's grace is abundant and His peace is continuous. He has taught me a lot in these past few months that I am grateful for - a lot about myself that will help me be a better wife to your dad and a better mother to your younger siblings.

You'll forever be with me my lil Peanut. I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday.

Can I Blame This on the Pregnancy?

I was warming up some frozen biscuits at home last night so I could eat them with some cheese on top for breakfast this morning. Why in the world I thought it'd be ok for them NOT to be on a flat surface, I have no idea.

Another Update

I can't believe it's already been two weeks since my last update. Maybe these next two weeks will go by fast too!

Here's the stats...

Week and day: 10 weeks 1 day (to be confirmed at next appointment)

Belly Button in or out: definitely in but I've always had a very deep belly button and it doesn't feel as deep anymore

Wedding rings on or off: on

Food cravings: plain chips, fruit

Food aversions: blue cheese, hot sauce (funny how these used to be cravings), honey mustard, any type of flavored chips

Nausea: every so often and at varied times still - I actually got sick Monday morning but then worried it was something I ate :)

Energy level: I'm definitely tired a lot but overall not too bad...some days are better than others, although this time change isn't helping much

Weight gain: I don't really know how much weight I've gained but I only have 3 pairs of pants that fit...one of which I have to use the hair tie trick with

Mood: I get annoyed easily but not sure this is much of a change :) And I can pretty much cry at the drop of a hat

Maternity clothes: I wore my maternity pants to church the other morning because we were already running late and the pants I wanted to wear wouldn't fit anymore...other than that, still in normal clothes but I know it won't be much longer till I need those maternity clothes!

Size of baby: small plum

Changes of baby: heart is completely developed, all major organs in place and starting to function, baby is swallowing, limbs can bend, nails forming on fingers and toes

Next appointment: March 25th - the 1st ultrasound!! 2 weeks exactly from today!

Other: still burping and feel my heart beating faster...I get out of breath quite easily - even when I'm talking for a long period of time or when I'm singing at church

First Belly Pics

I didn't wanna post but I'm gonna. :) I'm thinking I'm way bigger than I should be at this point. But I do know after a first pregnancy, you can pop out a lot quicker. And technically, I don't really know how far along I am - exactly. These were taken - at my calculations - at 9 weeks and 4 days.

Here's the belly just normal:

And here's me poochin it out:

Septtro and I have been referring to my belly as "the babies". Yes, that's right. Both of us would love twins. We know, we know - "You don't realize what you're asking for". Yes we do. We know it'd be hard and tiring and frustrating...and many other things. But we think it'd be pretty fun too. :) The liklihood of us having twins isn't very good but we can still have fun with it.

Oh how I hope and pray that lil baby is still there growing strong!! I keep battling my thoughts. I'm at 10 weeks today - the time when I found out my lil Peanut was gone (although he/she had been gone for about a month and I didn't even know it). Since last time, there was no indication of anything wrong, I get nervous every time I don't feel sick or as hungry or tired. But this is God's child and he or she will be born into this world if that's God's will. Nothing I think or do will stop that. I do take comfort in knowing I am not ultimately in control and look forward to the day when I can hold that lil one in my arms.

What Do I Say?

In the past few weeks, several people have asked me if this is my first child after finding out I'm pregnant. What am I supposed to say? I almost feel like it's a catch 22. On one hand, this isn't my first child. I lost my first child. I never got to meet my first child. But then do I really want to bring that up to someone and watch their face go from smiling to an awkward sympathetic look (especially for someone who has never experienced it...I think it's most awkward for them)? It's not that I want people to feel sorry for me. But I almost feel like if I say "Yes, this is my first", then I'm not acknowledging the precious life I saw on that screen this past summer. Yes, it was early when we lost the baby, but does that make him/her any less of my child? I guess I do want people to acknowledge my last little one's brief existence. I don't want to pretend my lil Peanut never was. But I don't want to put people in a situation they really didn't expect nor ask for. Perhaps it just depends on the person asking and the relationship I have with them. Just something I've been pondering lately.

Snow Pictures

We got SNOW!!!! It started Sunday evening. Septtro and I left the house to get a newspaper and when we left, it was raining with some snow mixed in. Once we got about two miles down the road, it was all snow! Somehow, the more South you went around Greenville, the more snow there was - crazy! I'd say we got at least 5 inches.

This is our front yard when it first started snowing.

This was when it had already covered the grass...it was beaaauuuutiful! :)

I guess Suka didn't like the flash in her eyes. Haha.

She started shivering so we put on her Woodruff hoodie. :)

This was Monday morning - Suka was all warm on her bed - little did she know the winter wonderland that awaited her outside!

Family picture! :) Suka didn't wanna sit on the cold snow.

This is in our backyard.

The view from the back of our property.

This is our lil road.

We went for a walk and Suka played with her friend Zip. They both loved the snow!

Not a water dog but very much a snow dog.


She loved it when I would throw a stick into the snow. She'd go pounce on it and most of the time she came back with snow all over her face.

Of course, we built a snowman. It wasn't the greatest snow for snowman building (it wouldn't roll - you just had to pack it). I gave up almost halfway through. I was tired, I needed food, and I was ready to go back home.

Yay for snow!! :)

Preteen stands up for rights of unborn

Abortion is an issue that's very important to me. I can't seem to fathom it. Especially now, after losing one child and now having another precious life inside me (which by the way, now has 4 distinct chambers of the heart -which has beating for about 2 weeks now, there are eyelids, elbows, a nose, lungs, liver, nerve cells....I could go on and on) - I've become even more heartbroken knowing others purposefully kill an unborn child. Granted, I don't do as much as I should to stand up for these unborn souls. Here's my feeble attempt to educate - with the words of a young girl.

"Do we only call them humans if they're wanted?"

Take a look.

Updates

So I figured I would give a few updates on how I'm feeling and what's been goin on. I'll try to use this same format throughout so some might not apply for a while. Here goes:

Week and day: 8 weeks 0 days (to be confirmed at next appointment)

Belly Button in or out: definitely in

Wedding rings on or off: on

Food cravings: sour cream and onion chips (5 oz. bag gone in 2 days), sour cream and cheddar chips (most things salty), fruit, old ones - hot sauce, blue cheese

Food aversions: cookie dough along with most other sweets, mac and cheese (very upset about this one), and I have a hard time taking my Reliv sometimes- which I will not avoid because it's such a huge part of why I'm where I am

Nausea: every so often and at varied times - the chips help me feel better and taking a brisk walk around the warehouse at work :) It seems when I eat very heartily let's say, it helps me not feel as sick. When I feel hungry, that's when I start to feel bad.

Energy level: fairly good, ready for bed around 8:30 or 9:00 every night

Weight gain: I feel like I'm huge because I feel like I eat all the time and eat much more than I used to

Mood: all over the place - happy then annoyed then sad then happy again...

Maternity clothes: not yet but my baggy jeans aren't so baggy anymore

Size of baby: kidney bean

Changes of baby: a lot is going on, heart is beating now and has 4 distinct chambers, fingers and toes forming, eyelids practically cover eyes, nerve cells in brain connecting

Next appointment: March 25th - the 1st ultrasound!!

Other: my heart seems to be beating faster sometimes, almost like when you get nervous and you can feel your heart beating more noticeably and I feel like I burp a lot now

Birthday Pictures

So my birthday was almost 2 weeks ago (Feb 7th) but here are some pictures - they were held captive on my mom's computer and I'm finally over here to retrieve them. :)

The family at Cracker Barrel - mmmm, mmmmm!!!

This random kid came over and started showing all of us his Pokemon cards. He's gonna be a darn good salesman.

Sunday, Septtro and I went with my mom and the two dogs to the mountains - Twin Falls. It was such a GORGEOUS day - 70 degree weather!

mom and me

Septtro was tryin to get Suka to go for a swim but she wasn't too thrilled about the whole thing. He threw her in anyway - poor lil lamb. :)

Um, I think I might be pregnant?!!

Those are the words that woke up my sweet husband on January 27th. That's right - remember that pregnancy test I took several weeks ago that was negative? Well, as it turns out, it was a false negative. I spose I took it too early (I really had no idea when I was actually "late"). So, yes, and wow and holy smoly I can't believe it - is this real?!! I kept thinking I was reading it wrong or I misunderstood. I only had one test - last time I took two. Blast the Dollar Tree for not selling digital pregnancy tests!! :)

That morning was one I will never forget. Septtro and I were able to have a moment together - sitting on the edge of the tub, smiling, crying, and praying. We immediately lifted up this new blessing to the Lord. Oh how I'd longed for the day when I could see two pink lines again, not one - two, wonderfully straight, pink visible lines. And it's finally here!
Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. The few people I told that day - I couldn't even bring myself to say the words "I'm pregnant". My words were, "I took another test and it was positive". Seriously, what if I somehow read it wrong - how stupid would I feel. I thought maybe because I wanted it so badly, I made myself believe it. Thus, the reason for me waking up Septtro the way I did.

So I went to the doctor Tuesday (Feb 10th) for my first appointment. Just being there made me nervous even though I knew they weren't going to do an ultrasound. It was just a consult and bloodwork. They were very nice - explaining everything to me and even went over insurance coverage; took some bloodwork and I was done. The nurse said I was 7 weeks and 5 days. I very graciously informed her that I was not. :) If that was the case, that first test I took would have shown up as positive. I obviously don't have a "typical" 28 day cycle. According to my calculations from keeping my basal temperature - along with the help of an online site - I was exactly 6 weeks at my appointment this past Tuesday. They said they don't do the first ultrasound until you're 10-12 weeks so I asked to wait later because I felt I was earlier than they thought. And so, I go back March 25th - the big day!

At first I thought I'd keep the pregnancy a secret for a long time - maybe until my next appointment. But that's a long time! And as far as I'm concerned, there's no safe week to spread the good news. I am so incredibly overjoyed and extremely humbled to be carrying this tiny life inside of me! God is so good.

If you think of me, please pray for my thought life. I get nervous and worried...some days more than others. It's a continual process...every minute of every day - to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. And it takes strength and grace I don't have - I need His. And please pray for all those women who wish to be where I am...where I was not so long ago. For those who have lost babies and for those who haven't yet seen those 2 pink lines. His timing is perfect but it sure is hard to wait.

Praise the Lord for the gift of life! Oh how sweet it is!!

Huh?

I came across this picture again today....one of my favorites. It was obviously a few years ago - Tillman is just a lil fella. But I love this picture for several reasons. One being both dogs are looking at the camera - and that's pretty hard especially when one of them is a puppy. Plus they're sitting on a bench - and they both stayed there long enough to snap the picture (mom took it). And of course, I absolutely love Suka's face. Most of the time, when you use a questioning tone, this is what she does. She tries so hard to understand what you're sayin - gotta love her! :)