No More Violent Movies

Yesterday afternoon, I watched Kill Bill Volume 2. I must say, I actually liked both of the Kill Bill movies. But then last night, I had a bad dream. You know, people hunting me down - trying to kill me...all that stuff. Then when I woke up to use the restroom early this morning, I wanted Ladybug to move - that would help me forget about my bad dream. She apparently didn't want to. She was sleeping soundly. I got worried but felt a small roll, confessed my worry, asked for peace and fell back asleep.

I had an appointment this morning at 8:45. It was a routine check-up. When I was getting ready, Ladybug still wasn't moving very much. She was mellow. She's had mellow mornings before. But because of the bad dream I had, I was already in a worrisome state. I nudged my belly but she didn't seem to wanna move a whole lot.

On the way to the appointment, I confessed my worry again. Ladybug rolled a few times. But that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted her to REALLY make her presence known. C'mon Ladybug - can't you punch my bladder or kick me in the ribs or something?

By the time Septtro and I arrived at my appointment, I had gotten myself all worked up. I imagined seeing the same expression on the doctor's face I saw just over a year ago. I imagined how I would react - how Septtro would have to carry me out of the office due to my utter despair. I imagined how hard it would be to see anything in her room. I imagined the worst.

They checked my weight - no weight gain...I haven't had much of an appetite lately. They checked my blood pressure - elevated. I wasn't surprised. I could feel my anxiety from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. They asked me to go in a room and lie of my left side and they would check my blood pressure again. The nurse returned soon after and checked again - normal this time. Once I saw the nurse practioner, she checked for Ladybug's heartbeat - bum bump, bum bump....going strong. As she palpated my belly, she said I was having a contraction - interesting.

I explained how I'd had a bad dream and had gotten myself all worked up before coming in to my appointment. She said just to put my mind (and theirs too, I'm sure) at ease, they would do a stress test for Ladybug - measure her heart rate as she moved around. So I got strapped to a monitor for her heartrate and one to measure any contractions I may have. After 20 minutes, she ripped the print out and said she'd be back. The office was busy so I was left in there for almost another 20 minutes. During this time, I realized that what I thought was Ladybug pushing herself into my ribs was really a contraction - something I've actually been feeling for several weeks. I guess I always thought Braxton Hicks would be over my entire belly.

After the nurse finally returned again, she said the print out looked good - everything looked just fine. But they also wanted to have me get some blood drawn to rule out any hypertension issues - just to be sure my elevated blood pressure really was because I was all anxious and not because of anything else. By the way, my swelling did wonderfully over the weekend as I made sure to elevate my feet as much as possible.

By the time I left, it was almost 11:00. Apparently everybody at work got really worried - even though I promise I let people know about my appointment.

So everything is fine. They're going to let me know if I need to come in before this coming Tuesday based on my blood test results. Oh, but I did test positive for Group B Strep - which I dreamed about last night too. I was told all that means is that I'll need antibiotics during delivery. But then I had to go lookin on the Internet...what a doofus I am. I guess it's something some women just carry - and I'm one of them. Hip hip....eehhhhhh.

Then there's me making myself feel like I have to save the world before Ladybug gets here - on top of barely being able to walk around because my feet hurt so bad. I mean, honestly, will it REALLY matter if my ironing board isn't completed before she arrives? Or if I don't get all my pictures on my laptop organized? No...and I know that. I just need to start acting like I know that.

So, no more violet movies - no matter how early in the day I may watch them. I don't need any more bad thoughts creeping in. I need to relax - take one day at a time - and trust God...oh, trusting in God - so easy to say yet so hard to actually do. And I hear it gets harder once the baby is actually here....Lord help me. Living in fear is definitely not fun.

Test Drive

Shawna and my Mur Mur came over the other day to give some nursery ideas. Emmory tried out Ladybug's bouncy seat and her pink Nike hat....he approves.

Seriously, I know everybody thinks this but I really do have the cutest nephew ever. And he can totally pull off wearing a pink hat. :)

35 weeks

Week and day: 35 weeks 1 day

Belly Button in or out: oh it's out - and I think I may have spotted a very small stretch mark

Wedding rings on or off: fingers are way to swollen to wear them - but I did get them redipped so they look bright and shiny for when I can finally put them back on

Food cravings: tomato and cheese sandwich, chocolate

Food aversions: none!

Nausea: not much

Energy level: get exhausted a lot easier now

Weight gain: I asked the nurse at my appointment on Monday what my total was and she said 33 pounds and said that was just fine...however, that's based on my first real appointment when I was already 13 weeks so I think it's more than that but we'll keep that to ourselves. :)

Mood: starting to feel anxious about how the whole labor will play out - especially because Septtro has started up with coaching football again...and I feel like I'm so behind in getting things ready for Ladybug. Three of my friends (two first time moms) have now given birth around 37 weeks...so, yeah, that kicked me in a bit of a higher gear these past few days. :)

Maternity clothes: some I can't wear anymore but I have enough to get me through the remainder of the pregnancy

Size of baby: honeydew melon (why must they always compare my Ladybug to food?) :)

Changes of baby: kidneys are fully developed, Ladybug is mostly developed - just packin on the pounds now, may be around 5 pounds and 18 inches long

Next appointment: Monday August 31st - going every week now....at my appointment this past Monday, she said Ladybug was still head down but slightly to the right - that I was all baby (which most people have continued to comment on) - and I was measuring right on track

Other: I would have to say the worst part so far about my pregnancy has been the swelling. Don't get me wrong, I know it could be MUCH worse. I honestly feel I've had a fairly easy pregnancy considering all of the different things most women go through. But the swelling - my right side especially (feet and hands) - oh my. When I go for walks at night, I have to keep my hands at heart-level or else they'll itch and swell even more. I would think perhaps some of my neighbors may think I'm havin church walkin down the street sometimes. Haha. And my feet...they're like sausages. But it's all temporary - and WELL worth it!

**Doc said this is normal - my blood pressure is fine and I'm probably swelling more on my right side because of how Ladybug is positioned**

Sorry, no picture this week....only cause I keep forgetting...I'll try to post one soon!

Ladybug's Second Shower!

Ladybug had her second shower this past Saturday...she got LOTS of goodies!

Opening my crib bumper pad - wrapped very creatively by Mom :)



Here's my mom, Grandma, me, and Ladybug - 4 generations!

The three sets of twinkies...I promise this wasn't planned but it was quite funny how it turned out.


My yummy cake (cookie cake!!) and brownies!


Septtro helped me unload the car and unpack some stuff on Saturday afternoon and then my mom came over Sunday afternoon to help organize more. Ladybug's room looks much better than it did - we definitely made progress - but I feel like there's so much still left to do! I will try to post pictures of the nursery shortly. I just realized this weekend I need to do something every day with her nursery because I only have a little over 4 weeks until she's due - and if she happens to come early, it'd be nice to have everything done. Four weeks - holy cow!

100th Post - remembering my Peanut

So I didn't plan it this way but this is my 100th post. Today also marks a year since we found out our Peanut was gone. I actually started my blog because of Peanut. So I guess it's only fitting the 100th post is about my sweet baby.

August 18th is actually the date we found out, but it was a Monday - at my routine check-up when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Here is the post from that afternoon.

I can't really explain the emotions I've already gone through this morning. Some people may think I should be "over" my loss by now, especially now that God has given me another sweet gift in my Ladybug. But I don't think I'll ever get over losing my Peanut. That was a part of me I'll never get back. I remember when I woke up from the surgery the next day...that moment was so difficult. I knew my precious baby was already gone but for us to be officially separated and knowing Peanut was forever gone was very hard. I remember feeling guilty for not knowing for an entire month that my baby was no longer living. I should have known - where was my motherly instinct?

While I'm extremely grateful for my Ladybug, no baby can ever replace my Peanut. I will forever miss that baby. But God has taught me so much in this last year. What I've learned is that I can't plan out my life and then be angry when things don't turn out how I thought they should. I've learned that trusting God is A LOT easier said than done. And I've learned that many people around me are hurting in various ways and I need to be more sensitive to how I treat them. I haven't perfected what I've learned - I'm still learning and trying to do better. Praise God for His grace.

I wanna share a prayer that my sweet husband texted me earlier this year (he said I could) - January 20th. It was the day I took my first pregnancy test after losing Peanut - and it was negative.

"Dear God. I lift my wife in prayer and ask that you'd continue to give her strength and patients...continue to heal her body and strengthen her mind and spirit. Help me to be a better listener for her needs and a comforter in times of despare. Thank you for your love and many blessings. In Your name I pray Amen." (I love the misspellings) :)

Exactly a week later, I took another pregnancy test - and it was positive. And now I have my Ladybug. It's just a reminder to me that no matter my circumstances, God knows best and I can't see the bigger picture.

For any of you who read my blog who have lost a baby, I prayed for you this morning. I pray for you often. And if you haven't already been blessed with another baby, I pray that will happen soon; but in the meantime, that you will find God's grace and peace in your life.

Dear Peanut,
I miss you so much! When I feel your sister moving around inside of me, it makes me smile. And it makes me wonder - would you have liked to burrow in my right side too? Would you have gotten hiccups at least twice a day...or more...or less? Would you play games with Daddy when he tried to feel you move? Were you a boy or girl? I'll never know. But I know I'll see you again someday.
Mommy loves you!

Baby wanna-be

My buddy Lor came over with her little girl Savannah the other night. She gave me some good ideas about where to store stuff in the nursery and eventually we just ended up sitting on the floor talking about baby things.

Savannah and Suka quickly became buddies (only when Suka didn't run or bark) - I was pleasantly surprised at how well Suka behaved around Sav. She was very gentle.

Anyway, as Lor and I were talking in the nursery, in walks Suka like nothin - just like this:


I don't know if Sav put it in her mouth or not but Suka loved the paci! She very easily picked it back up again and put it back in her mouth. I showed Septtro when he got home and he thought it was a fun trick. That night, I found Suka cuddling with him on our bed - suckin away on the paci. That was about enough of that - too weird - it had to stop. I don't want her thinking that's her toy when Ladybug is here anyway.

We got a good laugh out of it all. I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

Ladybug's First Shower

Ladybug had her first shower this past Saturday - August 8th. It was so fun!!


This is my best buddy Lor - she's 15 weeks preggers and already had a sweet little girl, Savannah. I love how chubby my face looks and my wacky smile. :) At least Lorren looks fabulous!


My mom and me - I know, we look nothing alike right? :)


We all went to school together...crazy how time flies! Apparently it was the cool thing to do to wear black...nobody sent me (or Amber) the memo.


The goodies! I got TWO diaper cake things - one size in Newborn and the other in size 1 - perfect! I'm still considering cloth diapers in the future, mind you...just not something we're gonna even think about for a few months. :)


My piece of cake - it was delicious!


The laying of hands....hehehe

Too bad Ladybug wasn't cooperating - she wasn't movin for anybody! Can you tell by my facial expression that I was gettin a lil hot? Somebody played a mean trick and turned the ceiling fan off.


When I got home, my mom helped me organize a few things but her room looks like a huge mess right now. I need to figure out how to organize everything. Babies come with so much stuff! :) Ladybug's next shower is August 22nd!!!!

bon qui qui

If you haven't seen the video, you really should make the time. CLICK HERE. It's hilarious.

I came into contact with a cashier at Sbarro a few days ago that reminded me of things Bon Qui Qui would say.

Here's how my experience went:

I met a friend for lunch at the mall and told another friend at work I'd pick up some lunch to bring back to them. He said he wanted Sbarro so I headed that way.

The guy prepared the food and put it in a bag. When he told the cashier girl/lady I also ordered a Dr. Pepper, she looked me up and down and said, "You don't need no Dr. Pepper".

Oh really? How about you just take my money and keep your opinion to yourself. (Yeah I didn't say that, but I kinda wanted to)

I didn't wanna say none of the food was for me because my friend gave me his debit card to use. So I just said, "She'll be fine."

She turned to her co-worker and said, "She don't need no caffeine, she's pregnant!"

He just shrugged and went to help another customer.

Then she said - again - "You shouldn't have no caffeine you know".

I told her I didn't give her (Ladybug) much caffeine - which I don't - not that it was ANY of her business anyway.

"Ok, alright then", she said. "So when are you due?"

I told her next month.

"Ohh, yeah, ok cause you're huge!"

Thanks a lot queen of meatballs and large, cardboard-tasting pizza slices. First you insult my ability to know what's safe to give my baby and then you insult my beautiful pregnant belly?!

Honestly, I just have to laugh at the whole thing. I mean, really, some people....

swollen

My right ankle in particular likes to swell up...so much so sometimes that it looks like I broke it on the outside part. But for some reason, my left ankle doesn't have too much of a problem. I had SUCH a hard time figuring out the reason for this. At first I thought it was because of the way I was sitting at work. But that didn't seem to help it much. The swelling tends to go away by Sunday and returns by Tuesday (after being at work again).

Then last night, my friend mentioned something that made A LOT of sense. She asked if I'd ever injured that ankle. I have - playing volleyball in college, I sprained it pretty badly. And the place where I sprained it is the place where it swells up the most. She said the same thing happened to her previously-injured knee when she was pregnant.

Interesting.

I have my next appointment on Monday so I'll ask them about it too. For now, though, I've gotten a new setup at work to help keep my feet more elevated:

My ankle already looks better than it did yesterday. I don't know how much of the day I'll be able to work like this but every little bit will help!

Pop goes the faucet

I hate my kitchen faucet. The built-in soap dispenser has never worked and the sprayer doesn't work properly either. I've been wanting a new one but couldn't fathom spending money when we didn't really NEED one.

God bless Septtro and his super Samoan-strength.

We will be getting a new kitchen faucet this afternoon. YAY!!!! :)

32 weeks

Week and day: 32 weeks 0 days

Belly Button in or out: I think it's finally stopped going out more :)

Wedding rings on or off: off - and gonna see if I can get them redipped while I'm not wearing them

Food cravings: cucumber and tomato salad

Food aversions: none!

Nausea: not much

Energy level: naps are makin a comeback but not every day

Weight gain: I don't really know - last appointment had gained a pound in two weeks

Mood: starting to realize Ladybug will be here in about 2 months - reality check!! But I can't wait!!

Maternity clothes: got a few more so I think I should be good till she arrives

Size of baby: only thing I could find is large jicama - whatever that is

Changes of baby: has toenails, fingernails, and hair (maybe), skin is no longer see-through, weighs nearly 4 pounds and is around 18 inches long (although I keep reading varying measurements), baby is in fetal position and will soon settle into head-down position(hopefully)

Next appointment: Monday August 10th at 3:15

Other: I can't wait for my first baby shower this Saturday!

Here is a pic from when I was 31 weeks and 5 days. I almost didn't post it because, well, I'll be honest - I'm still very self-conscious about the size of my belly considering all of the rude comments I've gotten throughout my pregnancy. But I'm measuring right on schedule and everything is lookin good so I'm just tryin to remind myself that all women carry differently.