The Job That Never Ends - Part 2

So the last post has been on my mind a lot.  I've done a lot of thinking, praying, seeking, etc the past week or so.  I'm still struggling with how to balance everything.  But the Lord has been good to reveal some things to me.  Here's what I've realized and what the Lord has revealed to me:

Schedules scare me

• This is quite funny to me, actually, to come to this realization because I've always considered myself a Type A personality.  But maybe I'm not - or not as much as I thought.  Schedules scare me because life happens most times and I can't  follow or keep to a schedule and then I feel like a failure.  I set expectations to high with most schedules or get too detailed and don't allow flexibility.  I suppose I'm more of a perfectionist than Type A  ;) aka prideful

I don't like to fail - or think about failing

• I'm sort of a competitive person.  I haven't always been a huge fan of card games or board games or even video games.  Why do I think that is?  Because I might not win.  Or not do well.  So I won't even put myself in that position.  Maybe this is why I don't like schedules.  :) (again, perfectionist??)

Decisions were easy for me when I was working full-time.  My day was already planned for me.  Now...it's much different.  And I can get overwhelmed with the "freedom" of the day and knowing what to do and not to do - and how to be flexible while also having a plan.

Here's what I plan to do:

1.  Get up earlier (about an hour before I am now) at least twice a week.  Do devotions.

• This is very hard for me.  I am NOT a morning person. I don't like to talk for about the first hour after I'm out of bed.
• As I become consistent doing this twice a week, I will strive for doing it every day.  And I will give myself grace if there's a night I didn't sleep well and need that extra hour in the morning.  
• On days I'm not getting up earlier, I'll pick a verse to read with the girls during breakfast.

2.  Plan time each day to give my kids my undivided attention

• I think this will help them not get too bored and try to get my attention other, not so appropriate ways
• Because I usually don't have a plan for each day, I can easily see a million things in the house I want to do and try to complete those without spending time with just the girls - reading, playing blocks, doing puzzles, coloring, etc.

3.  Plan time each day for my kids to play on their own in some way 

4.  Plan time each day to allow myself at least one house chore besides "normal" dishes, laundry, etc

• I do still have a house to take care of.  I can involve my girls in chores as much as possible.  They already enjoy helping "fold" laundry and switching from the washer to dryer.  

5.  Talk to Septtro more about what he feels should be my goals each day and help me prioritize those

• God gave me a wonderful husband who can help take the pressure off a bit.  If what he feels is important to do each day isn't what I'm doing, then it's an easy decision!

6.  Plan for times away from the kids by myself and with Septtro

God gave me a verse and a song at church last Sunday.  Well, he's given me several verses.  But this one was Hebrews 4:16:

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (emphasis mine)

And we sang a song that really hit home with me too.  This was verse 1:

The depths of Your grace who can measure
You fully supply all I need
You restore my weary soul again and again
And lead me in Your righteousness and peace

I am honestly scared out of my mind about having another baby.  As it gets closer, I continually second-guess how I will manage it all.  I feel so lost now sometimes with just my two.  But God has equipped me with "everything that is good that I may do His will" - Hebrews 13:21a  And as I continually seek him, spend time in his Word, seek the counsel of my husband as well as other moms who have walked through this, He will grant me wisdom and peace.  And His will will be accomplished.  So I will take comfort in that.  :) I wasn't meant to figure this out on my own but it's when I try to do that when things seem to unravel.  

So...time for some changes!!