There have been so many thoughts going through my head lately. I can't even begin to explain them all. Here I am, 5 months after losing my baby, and I still can't believe it happened. I still wish it was a dream.
All the things true about God, I know in my heart. He is good. He is sovereign. In His time. I guess sometimes you just need to let it all out. I was explaining to my dear friend, Kris, the other night about how this grief has felt. Somebody explained it very well on their blog and I'm so sorry I can't give them credit for their analogy (as I browse blogs of people I don't know - never to find them again). The grief is like swimming in the ocean. You don't wanna go out there alone. You don't want to be completely submerged in your emotions. But every day, it's like you're standing at the edge of the water, feet gradually giving way in the sand as the waves beckon you to surrender.
I took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. Maybe I'll go swimming today. I think I'm due for one. I'll grab my Life Preserver, swim out, and let go.