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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Goin Swimmin

There have been so many thoughts going through my head lately. I can't even begin to explain them all. Here I am, 5 months after losing my baby, and I still can't believe it happened. I still wish it was a dream.

All the things true about God, I know in my heart. He is good. He is sovereign. In His time. I guess sometimes you just need to let it all out. I was explaining to my dear friend, Kris, the other night about how this grief has felt. Somebody explained it very well on their blog and I'm so sorry I can't give them credit for their analogy (as I browse blogs of people I don't know - never to find them again). The grief is like swimming in the ocean. You don't wanna go out there alone. You don't want to be completely submerged in your emotions. But every day, it's like you're standing at the edge of the water, feet gradually giving way in the sand as the waves beckon you to surrender.

I took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. Maybe I'll go swimming today. I think I'm due for one. I'll grab my Life Preserver, swim out, and let go.

3 comments:

Tasha Via said...

Hey Susan, thank you so much for your advice! much needed I would say. I am very interested. where can I find that stuff? Also, you went to NGU? We did too=) Anyway, nice to meet you...

Rita said...

^ haha! You've been blog-skipping! :)

Just wanted to let you know that I responded to your comment on my page. But here's the link to the information about the program we enrolled in:

http://www.maternalink.com/pl/ICI_OB/Index/Index.aspx

April Emery said...

i am so glad that you are choosing to stay grounded in what you know of God during the times where it would be easy to just give up. being that i have become a recent reader of your blog i had no idea that you had lost a child as well. i am terribly sorry and hope that the Lord blesses you with a little one to call your own soon.

love the haircut by the way! very cute!