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Monday, April 15, 2013

The Job That Never Ends

I get to stay home each day with my girls.  I'm so thankful!  I've always wanted to be home with my kids.  

But there are periods of time when I get overwhelmed, stressed out, and quite honestly feel like a big ol failure.

Allow me to elaborate.

Before I had kids, I worked full-time.  I didn't love my job but I didn't hate it.  It paid the bills and allowed us to do some extra things.  I remember imagining what it would be like when I had a baby and I was, Lord-willing, at home....

I'd sip on coffee and stare out into the backyard (wish the beach was my backyard) while my very content and perfect baby played on their own until I finished my perfect morning moment.  I could do whatever I wanted.  The whole day was mine!  I would have a lot of time to clean my house and organize things, prepare delicious meals for my family, run errands, and even catch up on some old shows.
But then I realized, being at home all day with kids isn't as freeing as I thought.  I still had a job to do.  A different job.  And one I do absolutely love and am thankful for.  But I don't get off at 5:00.  And I don't get vacation days.  I'm constantly surrounded by my job - all day, every day.  And...I'm just being honest...sometimes it all gets overwhelming.  Sometimes, I don't want to do my job anymore - or at least for a day.  

my messy child

I've tried to figure out what it is that's lacking most times I feel this way.  For the most part, I think it's just lack of joy and my own selfishness.  I forget what gifts my children are and that they aren't interruptions.  I get upset that I can't do certain house chores exactly when I want or when there seem to be too many messes to clean up or that there's always clothes to sort through, or when a certain child just can't seem to get her shoes on fast enough...etc etc.  

On the flip side, I do believe moms need some time to themselves and away from the kids.  I guess I just need to find a balance of the two.  Maybe I should ask for a specific night or afternoon for myself every so often and then an evening with just my husband also.  Besides when Kaylee was born, I haven't been away from Rilynn - my oldest - overnight.  I think I'm due for a vacation - a real vacation from my particular job.  No kids.  Especially before this new baby comes and I begin nursing again, I want to take advantage of some time away - for myself and also with my husband. 

Any suggestions??  :)

Also, I'm assuming I'm not alone in this struggle.  I think part of my issue is I have no schedule.  Schedules stress me out because things happen that prevent me from doing what's on "my list" sometimes and then I feel like a failure.  But then there's no plan for my days - not even a loose plan.  Plus Kaylee is too young to do most things Rilynn can do and if she can, she quickly loses interest.  And then I'm about to have a baby again which will throw any schedule out the window at least temporarily.  

So...I think I need to make a change of some sort.  Just not quite sure where to start.  Well, except for being more consistent in spending time with the Lord before interacting with my girls...I have noticed that does make a difference.  
oh how I love them and am truly thankful to be their mom!


JoyBelle said...

Yup I could have written this! In fact I kind of feel like most of my recent posts have been to this similar tune. Being tired, worn out, needing something new and refreshing.

Is there someone who would take your girls for some overnights (grandparents maybe?) so you could go on a little getaway?

Susan Sene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan Sene said...

My parents live in town. I think I'll see what I can work out - even if its a staycation minus kids. :)

Hepners Blog said...

Hey girl! I hear ya!!! I will say that each season or year of their little lives, things will change. Some "problems" will go away and new ones will come. I think you are spot on about getting away for a few hours. Even ONE hour a week will make a HUGE difference!!! AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! It will be refreshing to you which will in turn be a blessing to everyone else! When Mama is happy, family life is MUCH better! Trust me! You were also spot on about your quite time! We both know it's a must, and unfortunately usually the first thing to go (preaching to the choir on that one!) Finally, date night! It is SOOOOO good for you two! Try it once a month. You can get creative and not spend too much money and it will become invaluable to you both! Finally, for what it's worth, I think you are an amazing Mom!!!!! Keep taking those deep breath, try to laugh when you want to cry, and take care of YOU! Love you all! Keep up the amazing job!!!