Short Story

Once Upon a time there was a first-born baby named Rilynn.  Her mommy took monthly pictures of her beside the family dog, Suka.

Rilynn grew and grew.  

The end.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I first started using cloth diapers when my oldest (now four) was just over a year old.  I fell head over heals in love with it!  It was so fun to find new diapers, especially fun prints.  I branched out and tried several different types of diapers.  And we didn't need to buy disposables.

I didn't feel like cropping the pic - don't judge

 When my second was born, I waited about two months to start cloth.  It was much easier, I think, with babies - especially when EBF (exclusively breastfed) because there was no need to rinse.  

Last Fall, I took a break from cloth diapering.  I was in my first trimester of pregnancy and not feeling so well.  I originally planned to take a week off, then a month.  But then it turned into until my second was potty trained (this past June).  

I had planned to still use cloth with Logann.  Of course I knew I needed to give myself some time.  It wasn't until she was eleven weeks that I started up again.  

look at that cute diaper!!!

After a couple of days, I was done.  For good. 

I, of course, started making myself feel bad.  

- "So-and-so does it and they have just as many, or more kids" 
- "You're going to spend more money now" 
- "You should be able to do this. It's not as hard as you're making it out to be"

etc etc

But my husband was, thankfully, very supportive.  And sometimes, it's worth spending a little more in one area if needed to save a momma from losing it completely right?  :) Plus, I think I'm pretty good at finding deals so now I'll just be looking for diaper deals.  

If anyone out there reading who cloth diapers would like to buy more, email me at susansene@yahooDOTcom and I can give you a list of what's available.  I've already been able to sell a good amount which has already gone towards disposables.  So that makes me feel better.

But I will miss it.  I mean, I won't.  But I will.  It truly feels like a bit of a break up. But I know now this is the right decision for me right now.  

Emotional Rollercoaster

This is it.  This is when my emotions go crazy - around three months post partum.  

Time out - let's just take a moment to take in the fact that this little love muffin is already three months old!!?  

Anyway, I should have been more prepared I guess.  But I don't feel like I am.  Nothing can really prepare you for it.  I haven't had a chance to look into why this is - at least for me.  I'm sure it has a lot to do with hormone levels changing.  Plus the fact that this is around the time when everything starts to feel "normal" again.  And I try to be supermom.  And I get unrealistic expectations of what my days should look like.  And I don't have enough sleep.  

Last week was especially hard.  Everything made me want to cry.  Everything seemed ten times more overwhelming.

On top of these emotional struggles, Kaylee - the newest member of the middle child club - began to struggle again.  She would constantly whine.  She wouldn't do anything I asked her to.  She would throw herself on the floor if she didn't get her way.  And she was starting to scratch/poke Logann more than before.  And it wasn't curious poking.  It seemed obvious she was trying to process her feeling left out but she was doing it in all the wrong ways.  

Ri took this and I didn't know until later.  I'm holding Logann and Kalee is whining :)

This made my already-weepy state even worse.  I wanted to make it all better for her.  I felt like I was failing her as her mom.  

Then on Wednesday, my sister-in-law went into labor.  It was slow at first but everything worked out wonderfully.  That same morning, my mom told me they had found my grandmother fairly unresponsive in her room.  IV fluids and oxygen helped perk her up.  Then we found a chicken head in our backyard and another hen across the street (fox we figured since one was seen on our street that same day).

aint he cute?  Cooper Thomas :)

we went to visit GiGi

Thursday was a little better.  Friday I had a serious breakdown and called Septtro at work.  I paced across my room before calling - debating whether or not I should.  I mean, I should be able to handle this right?  But I called.  And I'm so glad I did.  The rest of the day was better.

Saturday I took Kaylee out to run a few errands.  She picked out a special toy at Goodwill and we got a few other fun things that day.  I've started to reward her for using the potty by herself again.  And I've put the girls to bed since I'm usually rocking Logann during that time.  Those things have seemed to help.  She needs more positive attention.

It was no mistake her and I were adjusting at the same time. It forced me, once again, to rely on the strength of the Lord - to plea for his wisdom.  This week has been better so far.  But the emotions are still there.  I can very easily feel overwhelmed at the slightest thing.  

But we will all get through it.  We have each other.